1. Do you believe that the things you own end up owning you?
Yes…I’m being held hostage by my underwear as we speak.
2. Do you have any scars you’d be willing to tell us about?
3. Do you wear jewelry?
No, I use it to fight off garden gnomes and neighbor cats
4. Do you read?
Never learned how. I just mash down on the keyboard. If a word looks too long, I hit the spacebar.
5. Say your worst enemy calls you at 2 AM. What do you do?
“Your worst enemy calls you at 2 AM. What do you do?”
6. How would you feel if you found out there was a gremlin living in your computer?
Relief. It would explain so much.
7. What is your favorite hypothetical personality disorder?
What do you mean, “hypothetical?” We take offense at that.
8. What’s your favorite curse word?
9. What are three things you can’t live without?
Heart, lungs, and brain.
10. Can you drive?
I don’t like golf
11. Do you give in easily?
It depends on how close the shooter is
12. What toothpaste do you use?
13. Would you rather have money or love?
14. Do you listen to the radio?
No, I just sniff it a little
15. Have you ever felt forgotten or overlooked by a loved one?
No, never. I am always the center of attention, the life of the party, and the belle of the ball. ALWAYS, ALL the time, FOREVER. My life is a never-ending whirlwind of love and excitement.
16. You wake up to find it snowing. What’s your first thought?
AAAH! ALBINO BRAIN CHIGGERS!! COVER YOUR EARS!!
17. Who is the dullest person you know?
My dog. All she does is sit there. No ambition, no hobbies, no job. Such a slacker.
18. Are there a lot of flies in your home?
Not yet, but I’m working on it. Soon my plan will be complete.
19. If you were mugged, would you fight back?
Ha! If someone wants my maxed-out credit cards and empty checkbook, they’re welcome to them. At this point, theft can only help me.
20. Name a food you think is overrated.