Thursday, August 25, 2011

Creativity Exercise

I thought perhaps a Creativity Exercise was in order, to stimulate your imaginative juices for my blog contest.  Tomorrow is the last day to enter, by the way, so wrack your brains.  Come up with a bland, boring "telling" sentence, rework it into a witty, duodenum-seizure-inducing "showing" sentence, then post them both in the comments section below THIS POST by tomorrow night.  Winners get a free glass tile pendant depicting whatever they want, although I do specialize in writing gods/patron saints, etc., and pinup zombies.

1. What do you think is the most popular name known to man?
Candy Stripper (no, that’s not misspelled)

2. What color is your fridge?
I’m not a racist, I don’t see “color.” But it’s SUCH a stereotypical Day-Glo orange.

3. How many children do you want?
For what? To eat? That’s just sick…maybe just one little one.

4. Have you ever jumped up and down on a bed?
No, I only jump side-to-side or diagonally.

5. Is body hair attractive?
If it’s properly styled & conditioned. Get some highlights going; now that's sexy.

6. Snookie or Vinnie?
Why choose? Kill them both.

7. Do you like cleaning out your ears?
I like the IDEA of it.

8. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do?
Accountant. Maybe a filing clerk or an envelope-stuffer. Oooh, I got the shivers!

9. Have you ever seen a naked corpse?
Of course not. What kind of a pervert do you think I am? All the corpses I lurk around are fully-clothed, thank you.

10. What is your most common reaction to anger?
Sing-fighting and baking

11. What would you do if you woke up in the body of a cat?
Climb out and take a shower.

12. Does your family do anything special together?
We try to bring dead hobos back to life. We got REAL close last week, but it turned out he wasn’t totally dead yet. We fixed that, though.

13. What’s the weather like?
Oh, you know. Kinda smart and funny, a little temperamental sometimes, likes to cuddle…

14. How do you like your eggs?
Hatched, Grown up, and grilled teriyaki-style

15. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Kidnap its wife and kids and hold them hostage until my 35 cents is returned, unharmed, along with a free bag of Cheetos

16. What annoys you about other people?
Their souls are REALLY loud!

17. What is one thing you’d like to do before you die?
Become immortal

18. Are you close to your family?
No, I’m at work.

19. Do you sugar-coat things?
I’m fat enough as it is. If I start sugar-coating things, I’ll just eat them, too.

20. What does your house smell like?
Banana pudding, bologna, and gunpowder. Don’t ask me why; we keep all of those things in the backyard, not inside the house.  We're not fools.

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