Creativity Exercise #13

1. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
I prefer them deep-fried or boiled

2. Have the police ever written you a ticket?
No, but they both sang and danced one at me.

3. Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t like?
Don't judge me.  You should see what I do to the people I hate.

4. What size is your bed?
People-sized

5. Have you ever peed your pants laughing?
What’s a ‘pants laughing?’

6. Are you poor, middle class, or fancy?
Extra fancy, actually, because of my high salt content.

7. Are you fake or real?
Fake, totally. This blog doesn’t even exist, on account of how not real I am. This is all in your imagination. Didn’t know you had it in you, did you?

8. Do you chew gum?
No, I smoke it

9. Cod or halo?
Tilapia, actually

10. Do you eat your fruits and vegetables?
No, I put them through a complicated reverse digestion process. Long story short, I only vomit them out.

11. Are piercings attractive?
If they’re made of metal and there’s a large magnet nearby, then I suppose they would be.

12. Ever been held in jail?
First thing you learn in prison is to not let anyone hold you. Sets a bad precedent.

13. What are you wearing?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.

14. What is one thing you refuse to eat?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.

15. Have you ever been in a physical fight?
No, only psychic ones. In fact, I’m locked in a bitter struggle for the fate of the universe even now. Take that, and that, and that!

16. Would you rather drown or die by falling?
I’d rather drown by falling, just so I can see what that is, exactly.

17. What did you want to be when you were little?
Taller

18. If you saw a carrot on the floor, what would you do?
Sing to it for 45 minutes, then run screaming from the building to warn everyone that the Antichrist is among us in his long-prophesied carrot form which spells the doom of all mankind in its orange striations of terror.

19. Have you ever fired a gun?
Had to. It was stealing office supplies.

20. What do you order at IHOP?
Fabric swatches and floor lamps