1. How do you flush the toilet in public?
I break it into little pieces with a sledgehammer, then use a mortar and pestol to keep the pieces from clogging up the drain.
2. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
No, I only wear it around the house or at the movies
3. Name one thing you worry about running out of.
A burning building straight into the clutches of zombie velociraptors
4. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Shredded form rejection letters and baby fingers
5. What song do you hate the most
That one by the fifteen-year-old anorexic blonde girl. You know the one. Snoop Dogg.
6. What are your super powers?
I can shout out the ending of a movie really, really loud, but only if I’ve seen it before. And only during the first ten minutes of the movie. Oh, and only if the theater is full.
7. Where are your car keys?
On my keychain
8. What's your most annoying habit?
That pink & green one, because it itches and sends people into seizures like an anime cartoon
9. What CD is closest to you right now?
I thought it was Absolution by Muse, but then I caught it with that whore Incredibad and I just don’t know what to think anymore.
10. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Burned out light bulbs, house paint, and cake
11. What color are your bed sheets?
Depends on how long they’ve been lying crumpled in a ball at the bottom of the closet
12. Would you rather be a fish or a bird?
13. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
I chew on my toenails while I'm driving, and if I'm distracted by trying to talk, I could choke on a nail, perforate an intestine, and die. That's just reckless.
14. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
I don't shower. I just stand outside and wait for rain. If the lawn can't bathe, then neither shall I. Solidarity!
15. What CD is in your stereo?
All of them. When one stops working, I assume the stereo is hungry and keep cramming discs in there until the beast is sated.
16. How many kids do you plan on having?
None. My HOA frowns on keeping livestock in the backyard.
17. What do you do when no one is watching?
Roast peaches. No, no! Comedy Central style, not in the oven. What do you think I am, a psycho?
18. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
I plan to live forever. So far it’s going great.
19. Coffee or Tea?
Mix them both together and just pour them right on down the toilet.
20. Do you talk to yourself?
You are all figments of my imagination, so I ONLY talk to myself.