You’ve spent countless hours preparing, making sure everything is perfect. You’ve done your research, asked others who have been there before you, and now you’re salivating to hit the ‘send’ button out to the agent of your dreams. You're uber-polite and formal, as professional as you can possibly be. You haven't queried another agent at this agency within the last month or so, and you've verified that they read your genre. You have the format down and everything is in the proper order. Greeting (using the agent's name), hook, description, word count, bio, why you are querying this agent, offer to send chapters, thank you (etc.). If there was a way to bow or curtsy via email, you'd do that, too.
Should you spellcheck again? Give it one last read-through for good measure? No, you assure yourself with a swift slice of your hand through the air. It's been through Query Letter hell 87 times. All the bloggers and forums have declared there's nothing else they can do for you; your query is brilliant and life-changing and sure to be the next best seller (or, you know, whatever). Enough dilly-dallying! You hit the ‘send’ button.
Too late, you realize that you sent it out to‘Ms. Agent’ instead of ‘Mr. Agent.’
BAM!! Form rejection!!
NO SOUP FOR YOU!! Come back, three months.
Of course, it could be because of some much larger mistake than that, but the despair is the same.
I haaaaaate querying!!!!!
Anyway, only a few days left to enter my blog contest for free jewelry! All you have to do is follow my blog and leave a comment under the contest announcement post (which is immediately beneath this one) by Friday.
Also, I think I forgot to mention this before, but the pendant designs are NOT restricted to only writing gods, etc. I can make any design you’d like. Goldfish, keyboards, toilets, liquor bottles, asparagus, ghosts, family photos…whatever. I’m awesome like that.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
100th Post Celebration!!! Blog Contest!!
Today is the 5-month anniversary of my blog, and it just so happens to also be the 100th post!! I didn’t plan that, I swear. It’s hard to believe that I’ve accumulated 77 followers (although probably less than 15 of you actively follow my blog, lol) and almost 3,000 views in such a short time!
To thank everyone for making me feel loved and quasi-talented and all, I’m having another blog contest, with more FREE JEWELRY! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!
This one’s easier than my last blog contest. Just be a follower of my blog and post a comment below this post by, oh, let's say Friday, August the 5th. I’ll randomly select 3 people and they’ll each get a free glass tile pendant handmade by yours truly. I can make them of any picture/photo/graphic, etc., including (but not limited to) the winner's favorite writing god, muse, or patron saint. You can find my complete list HERE, and as always, if anyone knows of one I've left out, let me know and I'll add him/her/them to my list.
I'll announce the winners on Monday, August 8th, then contact them and send them my templates so they can choose which pendant they'd like. So don't forget to leave me some way to contact you if you win!! :D
Huzzah!!!
Here are some pictures of some of my pendants, but you can see others I have made HERE, at my etsy shop. Picture quality is sometimes poor because my camera has a sense of humor.
To thank everyone for making me feel loved and quasi-talented and all, I’m having another blog contest, with more FREE JEWELRY! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!
This one’s easier than my last blog contest. Just be a follower of my blog and post a comment below this post by, oh, let's say Friday, August the 5th. I’ll randomly select 3 people and they’ll each get a free glass tile pendant handmade by yours truly. I can make them of any picture/photo/graphic, etc., including (but not limited to) the winner's favorite writing god, muse, or patron saint. You can find my complete list HERE, and as always, if anyone knows of one I've left out, let me know and I'll add him/her/them to my list.
I'll announce the winners on Monday, August 8th, then contact them and send them my templates so they can choose which pendant they'd like. So don't forget to leave me some way to contact you if you win!! :D
Huzzah!!!
Here are some pictures of some of my pendants, but you can see others I have made HERE, at my etsy shop. Picture quality is sometimes poor because my camera has a sense of humor.
Calliope - Greek Muse of epic poetry & literature
Nabu, Babylonian god of wisdom & writing
Manjushri, the Hindu bodhisattva of writing, poetry, and knowledge.
Friday, July 29, 2011
So Many Babies!!
Everyone I know is having/just had babies! Lol! Here are a few born within the last month:
Oh...and does anyone know why my posts won't show up in Dashboard for like 5 hours? I've tried changing up the "Post Date & Time" settings, switching internet browsers, and everything else I could think of. I posted this at 12:45PM, but I'm willing to bet you don't see it in your Dashboard until at least 3, maybe not even then.
ANNOYING.
Anyway, have a great weekend, everybody!
This is Zach, born to my husband's childhood best friend's little sister last week.
This is Julian, born to my childhood best friend Arianne about a month or so ago, posing for his parents' directing company (She played Nicholas Cage's daughter in "Drive Angry!" I know her! Lol. Now Everyone go rent "The Other Side of Paradise" at iTunes!! ).
And this is Austin, born exactly 12 hours ago at 12:43 AM to my husband's childhood best friend Nathan, and of course Austin's Mommy, Charissa. She wanted him for a very, very long time, so I'm very happy for them.
There are a few others, but I couldn't find their pictures. I also know a few people who are pregnant. There are little tiny people simply everywhere!
Does that make me want to have one, you ask? HECK, NO!
I know, I know, kids are miraculous and beautiful and they give your life purpose and love and joy and joyness.
Blah, blah, blah. They’re also expensive and inconvenient.
I can hear my Mom sighing now; she's been collecting toys for her future grandchildren since I was 17 years old. And yes, it was a mixed message, and I told her so at the time (who tells their 17-year-old, "Don't have sex until you're married, but look at the toys I bought for your kids"?). It's been 12 years since then, and not a single grandchild in sight. I'm the oldest and the only one who's married, so her highest hopes rest on me. Plus I'm not quite so crazy as my brother and sister. (Don't like that, Paul? Maybe if you emailed your sister every once in awhile I wouldn't insult you quite so much. :P )
No, we have dogs and a goddaughter and furniture and liquor and fancy electronics, and that's just how we like it.
But congrats to all the new & future Mommies out there anyway!
And this is just for fun, and apparently it's the best way to have 400 babies, were you so inclined:
Oh...and does anyone know why my posts won't show up in Dashboard for like 5 hours? I've tried changing up the "Post Date & Time" settings, switching internet browsers, and everything else I could think of. I posted this at 12:45PM, but I'm willing to bet you don't see it in your Dashboard until at least 3, maybe not even then.
ANNOYING.
Anyway, have a great weekend, everybody!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Not-Good Betas?
Betas are one of the most helpful tools in a writer’s arsenal. They’re ‘in the biz,’ so to speak, and they’re not your spouse/mom/bestest friend, so they’re impartial. I know that I would never have learned what I was doing wrong without my beloved Betas to point out the plot holes, inconsistencies, and other assorted no-nos that were ruining my novel.
But what do you do if your Beta…well, sucks?
Yes, yes; I know it’s mean to say that, and believe me I’m cringing right along with you.
But you know what I mean.
You tuck into their sample chapters, eager to help the one who has helped you out so much. But as you go along, your smile begins to fade. You realize it’s only page 5 and you’ve blown through 30 of those little Windows ‘comments’ boxes, largely due to improper comma usage or other easy SPaG errors.
You shake it off. Typos, you assure yourself. They'd catch these things in the next round of edits, anyway, surely…although there’s this niggling fear at the back of your mind that maybe you shouldn’t have taken their suggestions for your MS quite so seriously.
By page 15 or so, you’re beginning to feel like you’re taking crazy pills. The plot is confused, the characters one-dimensional, the writing choppy/passive/just plain bad, the dialogue cheesy/unbelievable…and you don’t know if you can power through the rest of it. You feel like a terrible person.
From this place of guilt, you begin to wonder, “Is it me, perhaps? Am I the terrible writer? Because either this person is mangling the English language, or I am. One of us has no idea what in the blue blazes we’re doing, and needs to go back to the third grade and start over.” That thought strikes an icy lance of terror through your soul, and for a brief moment you question everything you’ve ever believed in, everything you thought you knew as a human being and a writer and an organism.
Until you remember the half-dozen other Betas whose chapters didn’t make you want to kill yourself, and who liked (or perhaps even loved) your MS. Your heart slows down a bit. No, it’s not you. You’re sure of it. There’s simply no way you suck that bad. Pity wells up within you, but it doesn’t make choking down their poorly-written literary abomination any easier.
And now that you know what kind of a writer he/she is, everything he/she said is suspect, even if their suggestions were good ones. You panic at all the changes you made at his/her urging. Did you save a copy from before you started working with this Beta? NO??? Well, that's another three rounds of editing.
So what do you do now? You can’t say, “I’m sorry, but your book sucks, and you need to take a writing class.” That’s just cruel, and they won’t listen to you anyway. You want to help them, because everyone’s written something terrible, and how can we correct mistakes we don’t know we’re making? Yet often times, these are the people most resistant to helpful criticism. These are the ones who often turn nasty and defensive, sometimes sparking fights and spewing F-Bombs all over the internet. The ones who refuse to hear anything but glowing reviews of their work.
So what do you all do? Do you try to help them, or just hit the delete button and deal with feeling like a jerk for a couple of days?
(BTW, this is not in reference to anyone in particular. I've been wanting to do a post about this for awhile now, so no one should take this personally!)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Not Dead, but Sleeping...
Just a quick note to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I've just been ill since Saturday, so I've been at home in bed, dripping fluids and popping pills until I feel better. I should be up to reading & posting things anon. :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Random picture day!
I don't have it in me to be witty today, so I'm going to post some random pictures.
This is me, on my wedding day almost 8 years ago. I was really much more excited than I look; you just have no idea how many pictures I'd been subjected to that day, and I hate having my picture taken.
This is my car.
This is me, my brother Paul, my sister Jenny, and our cousins Shannon & Emily back when we lived in Wisconsin. This was at my Grandma's house, and as you can see, we were all very adorable and witty.
It's hot outside, so this is my living room at Christmas. Don't worry, there are more Christmas trees than that (I have 8).
This was sooo cool. Our first Christmas in our house, and it snowed almost 12 inches on Christmas Eve!
Oh, look how cute I was. Me, my Mom, my brother, and my sister, right after we moved to Texas (I'm the one on the far right; the oldest and therefore the tallest. Oh, and the best).
This? Well, this is just awesome.
Have a great weekend, everybody!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Creativity Exercise #13
1. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
I prefer them deep-fried or boiled
2. Have the police ever written you a ticket?
No, but they both sang and danced one at me.
3. Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t like?
Don't judge me. You should see what I do to the people I hate.
4. What size is your bed?
People-sized
5. Have you ever peed your pants laughing?
What’s a ‘pants laughing?’
6. Are you poor, middle class, or fancy?
Extra fancy, actually, because of my high salt content.
7. Are you fake or real?
Fake, totally. This blog doesn’t even exist, on account of how not real I am. This is all in your imagination. Didn’t know you had it in you, did you?
8. Do you chew gum?
No, I smoke it
9. Cod or halo?
Tilapia, actually
10. Do you eat your fruits and vegetables?
No, I put them through a complicated reverse digestion process. Long story short, I only vomit them out.
11. Are piercings attractive?
If they’re made of metal and there’s a large magnet nearby, then I suppose they would be.
12. Ever been held in jail?
First thing you learn in prison is to not let anyone hold you. Sets a bad precedent.
13. What are you wearing?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.
14. What is one thing you refuse to eat?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.
15. Have you ever been in a physical fight?
No, only psychic ones. In fact, I’m locked in a bitter struggle for the fate of the universe even now. Take that, and that, and that!
16. Would you rather drown or die by falling?
I’d rather drown by falling, just so I can see what that is, exactly.
17. What did you want to be when you were little?
Taller
18. If you saw a carrot on the floor, what would you do?
Sing to it for 45 minutes, then run screaming from the building to warn everyone that the Antichrist is among us in his long-prophesied carrot form which spells the doom of all mankind in its orange striations of terror.
19. Have you ever fired a gun?
Had to. It was stealing office supplies.
20. What do you order at IHOP?
Fabric swatches and floor lamps
I prefer them deep-fried or boiled
2. Have the police ever written you a ticket?
No, but they both sang and danced one at me.
3. Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t like?
Don't judge me. You should see what I do to the people I hate.
4. What size is your bed?
People-sized
5. Have you ever peed your pants laughing?
What’s a ‘pants laughing?’
6. Are you poor, middle class, or fancy?
Extra fancy, actually, because of my high salt content.
7. Are you fake or real?
Fake, totally. This blog doesn’t even exist, on account of how not real I am. This is all in your imagination. Didn’t know you had it in you, did you?
8. Do you chew gum?
No, I smoke it
9. Cod or halo?
Tilapia, actually
10. Do you eat your fruits and vegetables?
No, I put them through a complicated reverse digestion process. Long story short, I only vomit them out.
11. Are piercings attractive?
If they’re made of metal and there’s a large magnet nearby, then I suppose they would be.
12. Ever been held in jail?
First thing you learn in prison is to not let anyone hold you. Sets a bad precedent.
13. What are you wearing?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.
14. What is one thing you refuse to eat?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.
15. Have you ever been in a physical fight?
No, only psychic ones. In fact, I’m locked in a bitter struggle for the fate of the universe even now. Take that, and that, and that!
16. Would you rather drown or die by falling?
I’d rather drown by falling, just so I can see what that is, exactly.
17. What did you want to be when you were little?
Taller
18. If you saw a carrot on the floor, what would you do?
Sing to it for 45 minutes, then run screaming from the building to warn everyone that the Antichrist is among us in his long-prophesied carrot form which spells the doom of all mankind in its orange striations of terror.
19. Have you ever fired a gun?
Had to. It was stealing office supplies.
20. What do you order at IHOP?
Fabric swatches and floor lamps
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Books to Movies/Miniseries I'm Super Excited About!!
The Harry Potter movie franchise has come to a close, and now folks are scrambling to find the next big book series to turn into a mega movie franchise. But there are a few out there that I’ve been excited about for some time, and maybe the time is ripe for them to get crackin.’
The one I am most looking forward to is Peter Jackson’s interpretation of the Temeraire books by Naomi Novik. Can we say SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I about fainted when I heard that Mr. Lord of the Rings himself was going to do the Temeraire books; one of my favoritest book series around right now. SO!! EXCITED!! If you haven’t read them, do it. Do it now. They're historical fantasy novels set during the Napoleonic wars, only there’s dragons. Intelligent, fire-breathing, acid-spitting, shockwave producing dragons, employed by all governments and pitted against one another in glorious battle. It’s gonna be sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
His Majesty's Dragon (Temeraire, Book 1)
Moviepage News
Temeraire movie news
Another one I’m super-duper excited about is the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, scheduled to be transformed into a movie trilogy AND miniseries by Ron Howard. I’m so, so, SO glad they’re not trying to cram everything into a few paltry movies, because I don’t think it can be done properly. No, this will be a mammoth undertaking, and with the quality of television shows on the rise (like Dexter, True Blood, the Walking Dead, etc.), this is definitely the way to go. Javier Bardem is set to play Roland, the Gunslinger.
The Gunslinger (The Dark Tower, Book 1)
Screen Rant Dark Tower movie news
Dark Tower Movies webpage
More Dark Tower movie news
How about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith? That’s right. It’s everything you ever wished you loved about the classic novel, only there’s zombies, so you’ll actually want to read it. It’s being produced by and Natalie Portman (who will also star in it) and directed by Craig Gillespie. So watch out, 2013! Zombies coming atcha!
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!
PP&Z Movie news
AND...last but certainly not least...drumroll please....
AAAHHH!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!! OMFG!!! Tween girl screams of jubilation everywhere!!! Anne McCaffrey is the reason why I love fantasy, why I love dragons. Her Pern books were the first fantasy novels I ever read, and I re-read them all to this day.
There have been several attempts to make her Dragonriders of Pern books into movies or miniseries over the years, but they've always fallen through. But now I have hope! Copperheart Entertainment signed with David Hayter and Dark Hero Studios to adapt Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey into a real-life, really-real-real movie!!! Production begins next year!! I may pass out from all the joy and joyness!!!!!
The Dragonriders of Pern
Movieline News!!!
SF-Fantasy Movie News
Ok, I've calmed down. Barely. How about you? Which upcoming book-to-visual media projects are you most excited about?
TEMERAIRE
by Naomi Novik
His Majesty's Dragon (Temeraire, Book 1)
Moviepage News
Temeraire movie news
THE DARK TOWER series
by Stephen King
The Gunslinger (The Dark Tower, Book 1)
Screen Rant Dark Tower movie news
Dark Tower Movies webpage
More Dark Tower movie news
PRIDE & PREJUDICE & ZOMBIES
by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
How about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith? That’s right. It’s everything you ever wished you loved about the classic novel, only there’s zombies, so you’ll actually want to read it. It’s being produced by and Natalie Portman (who will also star in it) and directed by Craig Gillespie. So watch out, 2013! Zombies coming atcha!
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!
PP&Z Movie news
AND...last but certainly not least...drumroll please....
DRAGONRIDERS OF PERN!!!!
by Anne McCaffery!!!
AAAHHH!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!! OMFG!!! Tween girl screams of jubilation everywhere!!! Anne McCaffrey is the reason why I love fantasy, why I love dragons. Her Pern books were the first fantasy novels I ever read, and I re-read them all to this day.
There have been several attempts to make her Dragonriders of Pern books into movies or miniseries over the years, but they've always fallen through. But now I have hope! Copperheart Entertainment signed with David Hayter and Dark Hero Studios to adapt Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey into a real-life, really-real-real movie!!! Production begins next year!! I may pass out from all the joy and joyness!!!!!
The Dragonriders of Pern
Movieline News!!!
SF-Fantasy Movie News
Ok, I've calmed down. Barely. How about you? Which upcoming book-to-visual media projects are you most excited about?
Monday, July 18, 2011
How to Predict the Future
Well, perhaps you should consider one of the following means of fortune-telling. These are just my personal favorites/most unusual means of prophesizing, because you’ve likely already tried the more common ones. By no means is this list comprehensive; check out this website: http://phrontistery.info/divine.html for a more complete list of all the things one can use to become the best darn oracle, seer, or prophet you can be.
(Assume that each definition is preceded by the words, “Divination by…”)
Acultomancy – Needles
Ailuromancy – Watching a cat’s movements
Alectormancy – Sacrificing a rooster
Alectryomancy – Watching a rooster gather corn kernels
Alveromancy – Sound
Ambulomancy – Taking a walk
Amniomancy – Examining afterbirth
Anthracomancy – Burning coals
Anthropomancy – Examining human entrails
Armomancy – Examining one’s shoulders
Batraquomancy – Frogs
Belomancy – Arrows
Bibliomancy – Opening a book at random
Brontomancy – Thunder
Capnomancy – Smoke
Catoptromancy – Examining a mirror placed underwater
Cephalomancy – Boiling an ass’s head
Ceraunoscopy – Lightning
Ceroscopy – Wax drippings
Chronomancy – Time
Cleidomancy – Keys
Cromnyomancy – Onions
Dactyliomancy – A finger
Dririmancy – Observing dripping blood
Floromancy – Belief that flowers have feelings
Gastromancy – Sounds from the belly
Geloscopy – Laughter
Gyromancy – Falling from dizziness
Kaphalonomancy – Baking an ass’s head (not to be confused with boiling an ass's head)
Logarithmancy – Algorithms
Odentomancy – Teeth
Oinomancy – Wine
Ololygmancy – Howling of dogs
Oomancy – Eggs
Pedomancy – Soles of the feet
Retromancy – Looking over one’s shoulder
Scatomancy – Excrement
Scyphomancy – A cup
Stolisomancy – Observing how one dresses oneself
Tiromancy – Cheese
Urimancy – Urine
Xenomancy – Strangers
Xylomancy – Wood
And so many more!!!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Got a Scholarship!
My college called me yesterday and said a last-minute scholarship had come available, and they'd like to award it to me if I was interested.
Was I interested? Heck yeah, I was! Thank goodness I hadn't already started paying my tuition or bought books yet, because this scholarship will cover all of my tuition, fees, books, and supplies for the next year. HUZZAH!!!! Such a relief!!!
All i have to do now is attend the mandatory awards reception. I think I can handle that. :)
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