Creativity Exercise

It's been awhile since I did one of these.  Enjoy! And happy 11-11-11!!!




1. How can someone tell if you’re lying?
They run and tattle like a little girl

2. What was the last thing you stole?
A man’s heart. See? It’s right here, in a jar on my desk.

3. How many kids do you want?
I don’t like goats

4. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
Breathe

5. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No. Nothing is ever caused by anything.

6. Where is the person who stole your heart?
In prison. Organ trafficking is illegal, yo. And it stings.

7. It’s 4 AM and your phone rings who is it?
A dead person. They just don’t know it yet.

8. Anything good happening tomorrow?
What did I say about my psychic abilities? I said they only work from 7:00-7:02AM every third Tuesday, and only during leap years that end in odd numbers. You don’t listen.

9. Relationships or one night stands?
I keep my nightstands for one night and one night only. Disposable furniture is the wave of the future, people. Be there or be square.

10. What are you sitting on right now?
My fat @$

11. What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Blood. Unfermented, of course. See? I pay attention to the questions.

12. What is one thing you need more than anything?
My internal organs, neatly arranged and functioning properly.

13. Who was the last person to wear your clothes, other than you?
Don’t be creepy.

14. What were you doing at 4AM?
Performing Macbeth in its entirety with the pink & blue unicorns who stole Charlie’s kidney and the other Charlie, who bit his brother’s finger. Disastrous, by the way.

15. Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing.
It’s simply encrusted with gemstones, pencil shavings, and gemstones fashioned to look like pencil shavings. Its name is James Mortimer Gerard Susan Mortimer Mortimer Mortimer, and cost me two hams and one of my outdated cell phones.

16. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Me shiv, since it’s too hard to board a ship one-handed.

17. I bet you miss someone today?
I’m Ron Burgundy?

18. Chicken or steak?
It depends on who has the gun.

19. Are you an alcoholic?
There’s no good way to answer that question.

20. Are you an aunt/uncle?
I know it’s “in” to be transgender these days, but, sadly, I don’t feel compelled to have my genitalia altered, surgically or otherwise. So no. Not an aunt/uncle.

Creativity Exercise

1. Do you believe that the things you own end up owning you?
Yes…I’m being held hostage by my underwear as we speak.

2. Do you have any scars you’d be willing to tell us about?
Sure

3. Do you wear jewelry?
No, I use it to fight off garden gnomes and neighbor cats

4. Do you read?
Never learned how. I just mash down on the keyboard. If a word looks too long, I hit the spacebar.

5. Say your worst enemy calls you at 2 AM. What do you do?
“Your worst enemy calls you at 2 AM. What do you do?”

6. How would you feel if you found out there was a gremlin living in your computer?
Relief. It would explain so much.

7. What is your favorite hypothetical personality disorder?
What do you mean, “hypothetical?” We take offense at that.

8. What’s your favorite curse word?
Mecrob

9. What are three things you can’t live without?
Heart, lungs, and brain.

10. Can you drive?
I don’t like golf

11. Do you give in easily?
It depends on how close the shooter is

12. What toothpaste do you use?
Green icing

13. Would you rather have money or love?
Yes

14. Do you listen to the radio?
No, I just sniff it a little

15. Have you ever felt forgotten or overlooked by a loved one?
No, never. I am always the center of attention, the life of the party, and the belle of the ball. ALWAYS, ALL the time, FOREVER.  My life is a never-ending whirlwind of love and excitement.

16. You wake up to find it snowing. What’s your first thought?
AAAH! ALBINO BRAIN CHIGGERS!! COVER YOUR EARS!!

17. Who is the dullest person you know?
My dog. All she does is sit there. No ambition, no hobbies, no job. Such a slacker.

18. Are there a lot of flies in your home?
Not yet, but I’m working on it. Soon my plan will be complete.

19. If you were mugged, would you fight back?
Ha! If someone wants my maxed-out credit cards and empty checkbook, they’re welcome to them. At this point, theft can only help me.

20. Name a food you think is overrated.
Ok…uh…George.

Creativity Exercise

I thought perhaps a Creativity Exercise was in order, to stimulate your imaginative juices for my blog contest.  Tomorrow is the last day to enter, by the way, so wrack your brains.  Come up with a bland, boring "telling" sentence, rework it into a witty, duodenum-seizure-inducing "showing" sentence, then post them both in the comments section below THIS POST by tomorrow night.  Winners get a free glass tile pendant depicting whatever they want, although I do specialize in writing gods/patron saints, etc., and pinup zombies.


1. What do you think is the most popular name known to man?
Candy Stripper (no, that’s not misspelled)

2. What color is your fridge?
I’m not a racist, I don’t see “color.” But it’s SUCH a stereotypical Day-Glo orange.

3. How many children do you want?
For what? To eat? That’s just sick…maybe just one little one.

4. Have you ever jumped up and down on a bed?
No, I only jump side-to-side or diagonally.

5. Is body hair attractive?
If it’s properly styled & conditioned. Get some highlights going; now that's sexy.

6. Snookie or Vinnie?
Why choose? Kill them both.

7. Do you like cleaning out your ears?
I like the IDEA of it.

8. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do?
Accountant. Maybe a filing clerk or an envelope-stuffer. Oooh, I got the shivers!

9. Have you ever seen a naked corpse?
Of course not. What kind of a pervert do you think I am? All the corpses I lurk around are fully-clothed, thank you.

10. What is your most common reaction to anger?
Sing-fighting and baking

11. What would you do if you woke up in the body of a cat?
Climb out and take a shower.

12. Does your family do anything special together?
We try to bring dead hobos back to life. We got REAL close last week, but it turned out he wasn’t totally dead yet. We fixed that, though.

13. What’s the weather like?
Oh, you know. Kinda smart and funny, a little temperamental sometimes, likes to cuddle…

14. How do you like your eggs?
Hatched, Grown up, and grilled teriyaki-style

15. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Kidnap its wife and kids and hold them hostage until my 35 cents is returned, unharmed, along with a free bag of Cheetos

16. What annoys you about other people?
Their souls are REALLY loud!

17. What is one thing you’d like to do before you die?
Become immortal

18. Are you close to your family?
No, I’m at work.

19. Do you sugar-coat things?
I’m fat enough as it is. If I start sugar-coating things, I’ll just eat them, too.

20. What does your house smell like?
Banana pudding, bologna, and gunpowder. Don’t ask me why; we keep all of those things in the backyard, not inside the house.  We're not fools.

Creativity Exercise

1. Can you make a dollar change right now?
I can make it change into confetti.

2. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Yeah, it messes up my shoes. Love is notoriously hard to get out. It’s like grape juice or blood.

3. What feature do you find least attractive in the opposite sex
A vagina

4. If you were to wake up from an extended coma, who would you call?
The doctor

5. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Yeah, but she’s not very smart, so I totally won.

6. Do you like ducklings?
No!!  The ducklings were a distraction!!  I had been robbed!!

7. Who would you least like to be stuck in an elevator with?
The devil and his screaming babies after they've eaten Indian food

8. What article of clothing do you like your significant other to wear?
Underwear

9. What is your full name?
That thing my Mother calls me when she’s angry

10. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
No, I only gamble in beauty parlors or elementary schools

11. Are you watching TV right now?
Yes, I am, because it is my job to watch Sesame Street while working on the Outlook schedule and blogging. Wait…

12. What are two fruits that you really like?
Elton John and Lafayette from True Blood

13. What’s your favorite fancy restaurant?
Long John Silver’s

14. Doggies or kitties?
Both tasty. Why choose?

15. House or apartment?
Igloo

16. DVD player or VCR?
Pop tarts

17. Lipstick or lip gloss?
Flying monkeys

18. Do you like your name?
Only as a friend

19. When do you shower?
Every spring, whether I need it or not

20. Do you cry a lot?
If I hold off long enough, I’m pretty sure my tears will cure sleep apnea and eczema. I just have to let the potency build up.  Another 10, maybe 15 years and we're golden.

Creativity Exercise #13

1. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
I prefer them deep-fried or boiled

2. Have the police ever written you a ticket?
No, but they both sang and danced one at me.

3. Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t like?
Don't judge me.  You should see what I do to the people I hate.

4. What size is your bed?
People-sized

5. Have you ever peed your pants laughing?
What’s a ‘pants laughing?’

6. Are you poor, middle class, or fancy?
Extra fancy, actually, because of my high salt content.

7. Are you fake or real?
Fake, totally. This blog doesn’t even exist, on account of how not real I am. This is all in your imagination. Didn’t know you had it in you, did you?

8. Do you chew gum?
No, I smoke it

9. Cod or halo?
Tilapia, actually

10. Do you eat your fruits and vegetables?
No, I put them through a complicated reverse digestion process. Long story short, I only vomit them out.

11. Are piercings attractive?
If they’re made of metal and there’s a large magnet nearby, then I suppose they would be.

12. Ever been held in jail?
First thing you learn in prison is to not let anyone hold you. Sets a bad precedent.

13. What are you wearing?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.

14. What is one thing you refuse to eat?
Tuna can lids strung together with baling twine and covered with glitter and lima beans. Also a hat.

15. Have you ever been in a physical fight?
No, only psychic ones. In fact, I’m locked in a bitter struggle for the fate of the universe even now. Take that, and that, and that!

16. Would you rather drown or die by falling?
I’d rather drown by falling, just so I can see what that is, exactly.

17. What did you want to be when you were little?
Taller

18. If you saw a carrot on the floor, what would you do?
Sing to it for 45 minutes, then run screaming from the building to warn everyone that the Antichrist is among us in his long-prophesied carrot form which spells the doom of all mankind in its orange striations of terror.

19. Have you ever fired a gun?
Had to. It was stealing office supplies.

20. What do you order at IHOP?
Fabric swatches and floor lamps

Creativity Exercise #12

1. What is the most overrated thing in your opinion?
Please.  If anything, all of my opinions are underrated.

2. What color is your comforter?
Well, my husband is white but of Hispanic descent, and my dogs are black and white and golden brown.

3. How long have you lived in your house?
I’ve never lived in my house. I live either on top of it or beneath it (and sometimes off to one side), but always outside.

4. Is this your hometown?
No, this is the internet.

5. How many times have you moved?
Several quadrillion, I imagine.  I'm probably moving right now.

6. What’s your mom’s name?
What her friends call her.

7. Do you have any half siblings?
No, they’re all in one piece. Surely I’d have heard about it if they were not.

8. Do you have a computer?
No, I’m just imposing my psychic will onto the internet. I actually have no idea if it’s working or what, if anything, is showing up. I hope it’s nothing too pornographic. That might be embarrassing.

9. What’s your favorite possession?
I can't actually possess anything, as I am not a demon.  But if I were, I think it would be birds. Then I could fly around and stuff, although I doubt I'd care for the eating bugs part.

10. Do you have any pictures of your friends in frames?
Yes, although it took some mighty fine kickboxing moves to get them to hold up those frames while I took their pictures.

11. Any stuffed animals?
I find taxidermy unsettling.

12. Do you like politics?
Only as a friend.

13. Are you using a laptop or desktop computer?
See answer to #8.

14. What are your hobbies?
Things I do to amuse myself.

15. Do you think you are a hypochondriac?
It’s not hypochondria if you really are sick . You’ll be sorry one day; you’ll walk in to find me lying in a pool of Lyme disease, ebola, prostate/testicular/ovarian cancer, that crazy rare Mothman Prophesy tumor thingy, and hysterical pregnancy. THEN we’ll see who’s faking, won’t we?

16. How do you use Febreeze?
I freebase it.

17. Is the sun shining?
No, it's quite dull.  Almost matte.  If anything, it's devouring light.

18. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
No, I just attack them.

19. Can you blow and tie up a balloon?
That’s disgusting. I mean, I’m sure I COULD, but that’s gotta be illegal.

20. Do you flush the toilet?
Never. I wait for the toilet fairy to come along and do it for me.


Send me your questions, and they just might become a part of my next 'Creativity Exercise!'

Creativity Exercise #11

1. Has your heart ever pounded in your chest?
No, it usually pounds in my lower back.

2. What is your favorite band?
The band I prefer above all others

3. Do you like happy endings?
I don’t frequent massage parlors, thank you

4. Do you believe Alaska is covered in snow?
Of course not. That’s cocaine.

5. Are you ever purposely irritating?
If you’re allergic to my awesomeness, that’s not my fault

6. What’s your darkest secret?
The one that could send me to either prison or Hell. Likely both.

7. If a blind guy/girl started hitting on you, what would you do?
“I’m flattered, but no thank you. And it’s not because you’re blind. It’s because I’m not into guy/girls. I’m a hardline heterosexual. Good luck to you.”

8. Do you speak your mind?
No, but I do listen my foot and run my hair.

9. Ever been caught naked?
No, I’m quite slippery when naked. I squirt through your fingers like the greased-up deaf guy from Family Guy.

10. Name the stupidest thing you’ve ever done
Ok. I’ll call it ‘Hank.’ 

11. You ever lied to your parents?
No. Never. Not once. Who needs to lie to their parents? Certainly not while I was a teenager or a toddler or anything. I can’t think of a single solitary child who has ever had occasion to lie to their parents. Ever.

12. Can you outrun a bus?
I can outrun anything as long as it’s going slow enough

13. Have your feelings changed throughout your life?
No, I’ve always felt exactly like this, in every situation, at every age, no matter what. My wedding day was the exact same as the day my timing belt broke and the day I played sick from work.

14. Why do you think bad things happen to good people?
Probably because they did something to anger God

15. What’s in your underwear drawer?
Old McRib wrappers and flea & tick shampoo

16. What’s in the trunk of your car?
3,245 copies of Game Boy's ‘Zelda’ and some aluminum foil

17. Have you ever been on drugs and not known why?
No

18. Have you ever been beaten up because you weren’t cool enough?
No, I only got beaten up for being too cool. Too popular, they say. Too talented and awesome.

19. Have you ever not had a roof above your head?
No, I carry one with me wherever I go. The pool, the mailbox, yard sales, the grocery store…

20. Did you ever have to live without seeing one of your birth parents?
Never. One (if not both) is within my line of sight at all times, even when I am asleep.

Creativity Exercise #10

1. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Only as ceiling tiles or to cover up stains on the walls

2. Do you have freckles?
No, they have me.  But there's only a couple of them.  I think I can take 'em.

3. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
There’s always music playing. In my head. 

4. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
They come out easier that way.

5. Can guys wear pink?
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in like 78 states by now.

6. What do you drink with dinner?
Fluids, mostly

7. What do you dip chicken nuggets in?
Stomach acid

8. What is your least favorite thing to eat?
Rusty nails and broken glass tempura

9. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Well, I’ve never been a boy/girl, so…no. I thought they frowned on that sort of thing.

10. Are you lazy?
I can’t summon the energy to answer that question. Answer it for me, would you?

11. Are you afraid of heights?
Only of falling from them

12. Do you dance in the shower?
Only conga lines and breakdancing. Although occasionally I will get my crew together and have a dance-off in there.

13. Wal-Mart, target, or K-Mart?
In a fist fight? I don’t know…they all seem like they’ve grown up in the streets, lived some hard lives in and out of foster homes, but Target seems like it’s got a little more money. Maybe only had one foster home, with rich parents and went to community college. I guess I’d have to say Wal-Mart. It's big, it's angry, and it's already taken over most of the world (I think it may have eaten K-Mart).

14. Can you curl your tongue?
Yeah, but it burns and I can’t taste anything for a week. Plus it ruins the curling iron.

15. Do you burn incense?
Only when it won’t listen.

16. Do you prefer hot tea or cold tea?
Mountain Dew

17. Do you procrastinate?
Ask me later

18. What’s your favorite color?
The one I like more than any other color

19. Have you ever been yelled at?
No. Never. Everyone I’ve ever met loves me immediately and without reservation, on sight, and would defend me to the death. Even the ones who hate me or just reserve judgment until they get to know me better

20. How many kids do you want?
I’m not zoned for goats

Creativity Exercise #9

1. What is your favorite speed limit?
π

2. Are you smiling?
Only when I’m up to something. So, yes.

3. Is there a difference between the words “bestfriend” and “friend?
No. The words themselves are identical in every way, especially in the letters area.

4. Can you touch your toes?
Just how fat do you think I am?

5. Do you walk?
No, I fly. I have wings, you see.

6. Is silence really golden?
I always thought it was more of a chartreuse.

7. Can you count past 100?
Sometimes. When the wind is coming from the right quadrant, although most of the time I can’t count past 37.

8. What language would you like to learn?
Dog

9. Would you call yourself smart?
Not to my face

10. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got older

11. Is good grammar attractive?
I like a little danger in my pronouns. Put “e” before “i” and line 16 commas up in a row where none of them belong…now that’s sexy.

12. What are your last four texts from?
Cell phones

13. Favorite flavor of vitamin water?
Mountain dew

14. Could you go out in public looking like you do right now?
Well, I’m at work, and it’s “G-string, pasties, and thunder thighs Thursday,” so…yeah. Totally.

15. How often do you hold back what you want to say?
All the time, but it’s strong. Sometimes it takes 7 or 8 of my personalities to pin it down and keep it tranquilized.

16. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
No. No one gets that I’m married. No one even knows what that is. They say, “Married? What is that, some kind of fish?” No. No, it’s not.

17. Day been rough?
Coherent question be asked can? Grammer correct with? No? Yoda?

18. When you say you don’t care, do you mean it?
No, I’m just trying to be manipulative. I actually have a strong and well-researched opinion on what kind of gum I want.

19. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The top

20. Do you have a best friend who knows you inside and out?
Yes, Ashley & I frequently perform random surgeries on one another just so we can say that.


If you have a question/questions you'd like me to take completely out of context for your amusement, feel free to send them my way.  beckahrah @ gmail.com

Creativity Exercise #8

1. Do you want to be a princess?
Nobody wants to be a princess. All that breeding responsibility and being forced to marry your father’s war buddy. No, thank you.

2. Do you believe dreams come true?
I sure hope not. The world would be an unhappy place if my half-insane night terrors manifested themselves upon your reality.

3. Do you like Batman?
Only as a friend.

4. Ever been tanning?
It’s a smelly hobby, but once the apocalypse comes, who will you turn to for leather? Me, that’s who.

5. Where are your parents?
They said they were just going out for cigarettes, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.

6. What made you sick the last time?
Excessive bacteria/viruses that temporarily overwhelmed by immune system

7. What are you thinking about right now?
Flying monkeys sewing quilts for crack babies (and now you are, too)

8. How many friends have your back?
I don’t know. We’ve never compared them before.

9. What is your summer theme song?
Holly Jolly Christmas

10. The last time you went to the fridge, what were you looking for?
My self-respect.

11. If you had to either eat your weight in marshmallows or eat your weight in chocolate, which would you choose?
Why choose?

12. Ever go ghost hunting?
I’m always ghost hunting. Ghosts got some good meat on ‘em.

13. Where was the last zit you had?
On my skin

14. Do you eat eggs?
Everyone knows that eggs are only useful as suppositories

15. What color is your umbrella?
Wait…this is one of those self-esteem questions, isn’t it? Gimme a second; I know this. Um…“No one can do a better job of being you than you!”

16. Do you really care about the environment?
Why should I? It doesn’t care about me.

17. Do you dislike small children?
Well, I do prefer great big fat ones.

18. Do you secretly think babies are ugly?
What do you mean, ‘secretly?’

19. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
Inhale

20. Do you curse?
I’m trying to quit. Apparently, Jesus frowns on the whole ‘witchcraft’ thing.

Creativity Exercise #7

1. Your parents tell you you’re moving far away. What do you do?
Throw a hissy fit, run away to the neighbor’s treehouse, live off snickers bars and root beer for a day or two, then remember I’m all growed up and married with a house of my own, and get back to work before someone fires me. Also, put my parents in a home for thinking I still live with them.

2. What would you do if your best friend started acting like he/she liked you as more than a friend?
Stop watching porn together & practice-kissing each other. Clearly that crazy b*tch has gotten the wrong idea somehow.

3. Where do you see yourself in five years?
A mirror or other reflective surface

4. What do you like to do when you’re in the car?
Wash dishes

5. Do you listen to music?
No, I smell it.

6. Ever moved?
Never. I’ve been in the exact same position since I was born. Makes it a challenge to type.

7. What was the last reason you threw up?
Excessive, unrelenting nausea.

8. What’s your middle name?
The one between my first and last names

9. What is the worst sound ever?
The brown noise

10. Speak any other language?
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est!

11. What’s your favorite type of flower?
The kind you bake with (I think you spelled it wrong).

12. Can you live without your cell phone?
Not for long. I’m using it as a makeshift kidney at the moment.

13. Can you say the ABC’s backward?
The ABC's backward

14. Can you give advice?
Of course I can. I wouldn’t use it if I were you.

15. Are you a pathological liar
Yes.

16. Are you fighting with anyone?
Yes, it makes typing this really difficult.

17. What’s the last thing you ate?
Feelings

18. Have you ever had a birthday?
No, I’m still a newborn. I have this nagging sensation that I’ll never live up to my potential.

19. Favorite time of year?
Noon

20. Do you think two people can last forever?
If they’re loaded up with enough preservatives, I suppose.

Creativity Exercise #6

1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on the forehead?
I’m pretty sure that counts as assault. So yeah, sooooo cute.

2. Are you afraid to tell your true feelings?
Tell them what?

3. Group dates or single dates?
Definitely single; I’m not what you’d call an “orgy person.”

4. Are diamonds a girl’s best friend?
Diamonds are terrible friends! They always forget their wallets and they constantly talk about you behind your back. You know who’s a great friend? Cash.

5. Is your hair up or down today?
It’s down. But I’m trying to cheer it up.

6. Do you straighten your hair?
I try, but it keeps breaking into liquor stores. Maybe boot camp would straighten it out better.

7. Do you cry during romantic comedies?
Constantly. It’s usually something along the lines of, “Make it stop!”

8. Do you think lip gloss is the best?
The best what? Car wax? Assassin? Way to eat Chinese food? No. It’s none of those things. You’re stupid.

9. Do you like to wear band aids?
Always. Especially on my face. There’s no more fashionable way to say, “I have leprosy.”

10. Are you close to your siblings?
None are within arm’s reach at the moment, so…no.

11. Did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday?
Yes

12. Name one of your childhood Halloween costumes
Ok. “Frank.”

13. What’s something you can’t leave the house without?
My lungs

14. Can you swear inside your house?
No. There’s this machine, you see…

15. Are you smiling?
Only on the inside

16. Can you play the piano?
Heck yeah. It’s a moron. It’s almost too easy.

17. Do you ever throw up?
Not as often as I throw down

18. What are you wearing on your feet?
Watches

19. Do you burn candles?
Not if I bake them at a low enough temperature.

20. What do you hear?
Sounds, mostly.

Creativity Exercise #5

I have to say I'm sorta proud of this one. Hope you enjoy it. ;)


1. What are you doing at this exact moment?
I’m negotiating a peace treaty between unicorns and Clydesdales while baking a pizza and delivering some mighty fine kickboxing moves against some ninja assassins disguised as grad students.

2. Do you collect anything?
Hair

3. What is your worst nightmare?
Total global annihilation. Also cheesy teenage romance novels.


4. Are you crushing on someone?
Who are you calling 'fat?'


5. Who’s thinking about you right now?
Oh, I guess I didn’t tell you. My psychic powers only work from 7:00-7:02AM every third Tuesday, and only during leap years that end in odd numbers.


6. What do you honestly want right now?
Honestly? What do I honestly want, right now, in this honest moment? Honestly? I don’t honestly know…that’s a very honest question, and I can’t honestly say whether or not I can honestly give you an honest answer. Honestly.


7. What are you looking forward to?
There’s a column directly in front of my desk. I’m staring at it right now. I think it might be plotting against me.


8. Plans for tomorrow?
I’m not tomorrow’s %$#@ing secretary. Go ask it yourself.


9. Are you comfortable with your height?
No, it’s very itchy and starting to chafe around the ankles


10. Last text received?
I hope not. That’d be depressing.


11. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars?
No, I only know psychological things about them.


12. Is someone on your mind right now?
My head is happily naked of all passersby, thank you. That would be uncomfortable.


13. Is there someone you know you should hate, but can’t?
Oh, sure. I think everyone has a special someone in their life. Maybe even two or three. You know, those abhorrent people who do terrible, unspeakable things to babies and puppies, but they’re just so charming and handsome. We just can’t stay mad at them, no matter how many atom bombs they steal or orphanages they burn down. Adorable.


14. Do you mind being cold?
Not at all. If I’m warm and friendly, people might want to talk to me and be friends and maybe even touch me. (shudders)


15. Do you drink coffee?
No, I shampoo with it.


16. If you could seek revenge on someone, would you?
I’d love to, but my ‘seek’ button seems to be malfunctioning. I’ll have to call tech support. Maybe they can install a ‘kill’ button instead.


17. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
No. In three months I plan to be hiding in a cave after the zombie apocalypse takes everyone else out.


18. Have you had your birthday?
No, I’m stuck in a perpetual loop of being 11 months old. It’s been going on for almost 30 years now. Crazy.


19. Have you ever given your all to someone who walked away?
Yeah, it was weird. I’ve never seen someone walk under the weight of 2 cars, a house, all my furniture, several appliances, a big screen TV, and two small dogs. Frankly, I was too impressed to call the police.


20. Do you have trust issues?
Why? Who wants to know? How did you get this blog?

Creativity Exercise #4

1. What is your blood type?
Red & hemoglobin-ey

2. Have you ever had phone sex?
I’m pretty sure that would void the warrantee on my phone, so…no.

3. Do you bite your nails?
Only when they deserve it.

4. Can you hula hoop?
A hula hoop is a noun. Can you apple? Can you diabetes?  Then yes, I can hula hoop.

5. Why do you write?
There are these little worms in my head that won’t shut up unless I write down what they say.  Annoying.

6. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?
Me?  No.  But personalities #2-#1,876…they’re another matter entirely.  (They're crazy)

7. Do you use chap stick?
Only in self-defense

8. What makes you laugh?
Neurons firing in my brain telling my diaphragm to jump …wait…maybe that’s the hiccoughs…

9. Can you use chop sticks?
I can use them to irritate people.

10. Do you use a shower cap?
Only as fake jellyfish in the swimming pool

11. Tell us what your greatest fear is.
Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not the boss of me.

12. Brown or white eggs?
Both make the paint peel nicely off my enemies’ cars

13. Are you good looking?
I’m good at looking.  I'm looking right now.

14. What states have you lived in?
Disrepair, confusion, chaos, peace, war…we can do this all day.

15. What is your average cell phone bill?
It’s a list of charges, fees, etc. demanded by my cell phone company under threat of disconnecting me from the rest of the universe forever.

16. Spell your name without vowels
R NM.  Wait…or did you mean Y-O-U-R-N-A-M-E-W-I-T-H-O-U-T-V-O-W-E-L-S?

17. Do you have any hidden talents?
How would I know?

18. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
Yes.

19. Dream job?
Not a.  Complete sentence.  Won’t.  Give you the satisfaction.  Of a response.

20. Do you e-mail yourself?
I am not actually a computer file, program, virus, or any other form of virtual or analog data.  So, try as I might, I can’t seem to cram myself into a USB input and email myself.

Creativity Exercise #3

1. What is your orientation?
North

2. Do you play anything?
I play a mean radio.

3. What is your birthday?
The day I was birthed. Duh.

4. What stereotype are you?
Centenarian Latina prostitute (with a heart of gold) who solves mysteries & kills vampires. Also there’s werewolves.

5. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Ask what you mean. Am I a vampire or a fairy? Well, the answer is both. That’s right. I’m a fairy vampire. (see #4 for more detailed answer)

6. Do you drink?
Water is for chumps. I get my liquids from eucalyptus leaves and used snow cone wrappers.

7. What car were you in last?
A Delorean Monster Truck. Right. No, it way my tricked out ‘04 Aveo. And by tricked out, I mean it’s got dents in it.

8. Are you spoiled?
Nah, I got a good 3 days left. Maybe 4, if I stay in the refrigerator.

9. Where does most of your family live?
In houses

10. Where were you born?
In a hospital

11. Do you wish you could move?
Sure, but that went out the window when I had my arms and legs removed. But they had it coming.

12. What is your dream vehicle?
Oprah

13. Do you like glitter?
If it isn’t solving your problems, you’re not using enough.

14. Do you make your own clothes?
I have to. No one makes anything for the style-conscious, elderly-limbless-fairy-vampire-werewolf-killing-prostitute-on-the-go anymore.

15. When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?
An adult

16. Would you ever call Mike Tyson a girl?
Sure, he looks like a man who enjoys his prostitutes

17. Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
That’s disgusting. I’d never brush my teeth.

18. What are you afraid of?
Zombie Pedobears

19. Have you ever bitten someone?
What part of ‘elderly-limbless-fairy-vampire-werewolf-killing-prostitute’ didn’t you understand?

20. What would you do if a random stranger offered you ice cream?
Use my sphere of annihilation on it and him. You will not outcrazy me.

Got a question of a list of questions that you'd like to see me take wildly out of context?  Send'em to beckahrah @ gmail.com and it might get used in next week's 'Creativity Exercise!'

Creativity Exercise #2

1. What’s the first thing you wash in the shower?
Pajamas

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
That’s racist, yo.

3. Do you plan outfits?
I don’t. It’s just so confusing. I go into the closet, throw on the first shirt I find, yell ‘Democracy!’ and run for my car.

4. How do you feel?
With my hands, mostly. I used to mostly use my telekinetic abilities to feel things, but the last time I tried that, I burned my brain on the stove. Ouchy!

5. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?
Blood. Mine, theirs, it’s literally everywhere. In my veins, on the walls, ground in to the carpet fibers…it just never ends.

6. What’s the last dream you remember?
Something to do with making vegetarian stew from those fake fuzzy Easter chicks and boiled hamster meat. Oh, wait; you meant while I was asleep?

7. Did you meet anybody new today?
The others living in my head have taken in several new roommates. I don’t know their names yet, but I guess the economy’s hitting everyone pretty hard.

8. What do you crave?
Foam rubber hats and pencil shavings

9. Do you floss?
Only with guest towels

10. What comes to mind at the word ‘cabbage?’
Scrumtrillescent. See? I can make up words, too.

11. Are you emotional?
Why would you say that to me? Do you WANT me to set your car on fire! Haha, it’s ok. I’m over it! :)  I love you so much! I’m just so sad sometimes, and then so angry, and then so happy! Why are you looking at me like that? I’ll cut you, you fat, beautiful, ignorant, scrawny, mean, adorable, stupid genius! Now I'm crying again. See what you've done???

12. Can you count backward from 74?
I can only count backward from odd numbers, and only when it’s raining men, say Hallelujah.

13. Do you bite or lick your ice cream?
Yes

14. Do you like cottage cheese?
Only as a friend. Why? Did it ask about me?

15. Ever walked into a wall?
Sadly, my superpower of being unsubstantial only works when I’m not trying to move through walls. I think it’s achieved sentience and it gets a kick out of making me look like a fool.

16. Would you throw potatoes at George W. Bush?
I think my head has enough holes in it without the Secret Service creating new and exciting ones, thank you.

17. Do you hate more than 3 people?
Not all at the same time. I find that rationing out my hatred leads to shorter prison terms.

18. Is your hair straight?
The last time I asked, my hair snapped at me, called me a ‘breeder,’ and said it was none of my business. Then it put on a plaid shirt & army boots and went to a monster truck rally. I’m so confused.

19. Boys or girls?
Both tasty, especially with a little oregano and parmesan, slow roasted in a brown butter sauce.

20. How do you turn on the TV?
I dip the remote in peanut butter and do a sexy little dance.


Got an idea for a question?  A whole whoppin' list of questions? Email them to me; they just might get used during my next 'Creativity Exercise!'   Beckahrah @ gmail.com

20 Random Questions (Creativity Exercise #1)

1. How do you flush the toilet in public?
I break it into little pieces with a sledgehammer, then use a mortar and pestol to keep the pieces from clogging up the drain.

2. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
No, I only wear it around the house or at the movies

3. Name one thing you worry about running out of.
A burning building straight into the clutches of zombie velociraptors

4. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Shredded form rejection letters and baby fingers

5. What song do you hate the most
That one by the fifteen-year-old anorexic blonde girl. You know the one. Snoop Dogg.

6. What are your super powers?
I can shout out the ending of a movie really, really loud, but only if I’ve seen it before. And only during the first ten minutes of the movie. Oh, and only if the theater is full.

7. Where are your car keys?
On my keychain

8. What's your most annoying habit?
That pink & green one, because it itches and sends people into seizures like an anime cartoon

9. What CD is closest to you right now?
I thought it was Absolution by Muse, but then I caught it with that whore Incredibad and I just don’t know what to think anymore.

10. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Burned out light bulbs, house paint, and cake

11. What color are your bed sheets?
Depends on how long they’ve been lying crumpled in a ball at the bottom of the closet

12. Would you rather be a fish or a bird?
Sure!

13. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
I chew on my toenails while I'm driving, and if I'm distracted by trying to talk, I could choke on a nail, perforate an intestine, and die. That's just reckless.

14. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
I don't shower.  I just stand outside and wait for rain.  If the lawn can't bathe, then neither shall I. Solidarity!

15. What CD is in your stereo?
All of them. When one stops working, I assume the stereo is hungry and keep cramming discs in there until the beast is sated.

16. How many kids do you plan on having?
None. My HOA frowns on keeping livestock in the backyard.

17. What do you do when no one is watching?
Roast peaches. No, no! Comedy Central style, not in the oven. What do you think I am, a psycho?

18. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
I plan to live forever. So far it’s going great.

19. Coffee or Tea?
Mix them both together and just pour them right on down the toilet.

20. Do you talk to yourself?
You are all figments of my imagination, so I ONLY talk to myself.