This was just so awesome and beautiful that I had to share it. Something like 11,000 paper lanterns set off over the Warta River in Poznan, Poland to celebrate the summer solstice. Incredible.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Like it's Dynamite
Once again, I apologize for the inconsistent and lackluster quality of my cell phone's camera. But you can still probably tell that my living room looks like a fireworks stand.
The grand total spent on fireworks is $499. So far. Mu-ah-ah-ah-ah-aaaah!
We won't be spending much more on fireworks, since we had several other financial demands pop up over the last 2 weeks (family reunion, Six Flags, burned-out television light cartridge, several people coming in from out-of-town, etc.), but we'll probably spend another $20-$25 on little stuffs, like roman candles and bottle rockets, etc.
If anyone decorates for the 4th of July, I beseech you to check out Dollar Tree. Ho. Ly. Crap!! Awesome stuff for a dollar apiece. I have so many American flags right now, bought in 3-packs for a buck a pack. LED paper lanterns, bunting, glow sticks...it's gonna be a scene, man.
I got the burgers, hot dogs, and BBQ chicken on deck, chips and drinks, cupcakes...everything but shish-ka-bob, because I simply haven't got the energy to chop a 12-pound haunch of pork butt into bite-sized pieces this year. Next year. Probably.
Anyway, decorations go up Friday, cupcakes get baked on Saturday, and the only stuff I have left to buy is all the produce, like corn-on-the-cob and stuff for the veggie & fruit trays.
3rd of July, here we come!!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Phase one complete...
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Phase 1. The picture is a little dark because the camera on my cell phone is a piece of $#!%. But you get the idea. My dogs are afraid to get near them, which is fine, because the little one would just pee on them and then I'd have to use him as a punk.
This is about $350 worth of fireworks, and I am SO EXCITED!!!! 48 high-quality artillery shells, 8 boxes or lesser artillery shells, a 500g finale cake, various smaller cakes, fountains, bottle rockets, roman candles, novelty thingamabobs, and some things that look suspiciously like dynamite.
We have another $150 or so to spend. It would be more, but we just had to spend $70 replacing the lamp on our DLP television, and I still have to buy various foodstuffs and liquor, etc.
But still; we're gonna set the sky on fire (hopefully not the rest of the neighborhood along with it), and it's gonna be epic.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Two days to fireworks!
Here in Texas, fireworks-buying-season begins on June 24th. So in two days, we're going to make the guy who owns the USA Fireworks trailer up in Aubrey extremely happy. Best prices around. Expect photos of the stockpile soon. I'm so excited! The 3rd of July is gonna be fun on a bun! We are fortunate enough to live outside the city limits, and we're going to shoot SO MANY FIREWORKS off our front lawn! Ka-BOOM!! There's no burn ban in Denton county, and we just had a nice wet rainstorm, so there's little threat of them interfering with my annual fit of pyromania. He-he.
Oh, I can smell the black powder now...
We have to celebrate it on the 3rd of July this year because my poor husband has to work Monday night. The neighbors won't mind; we had half the neighborhood out watching our 'splosions last year (even though my idiot brother-in-law almost set the neighbor kid's head on fire with a bottle rocket), and we didn't spend nearly as much on them as we will this time. Artillery shells simply everywhere!! Yaaaaaay!!
In other words, I shall be rather preoccupied over the next week and a half, so don't despair if I don't keep up with the ol' blog like I normally do. I have food to buy, cupcakes to bake, lights to hang, and oh so many fireworks to buy. You don't even know.
Also, I have found a seriously kick-ass Beta. Thus I am in the midst of a semi-serious rewrite of parts of Eyes of Stone, and I'm going to write the alternate ending, too. Not gonna throw out the current one, a'course, but I want the new one on deck. The more I think about it, the more I want to use it. Not so much because it's a better ending (I haven't written it yet, so how do I know?), but because I like where it's taking Book 2 in my head.
Anyway, my free time is spoken for this week and probably most of next week, so don't fret if I don't blog as often as I should.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Writing workshop with Maria V. Snyder
One of my awesome Betas is the VP of the Utica Writers Club, which is going to host a writing workshop in July with none other than Maria V. Snyder, the writer of the "Poison Study" books. I'm a big fan of hers myself (I will buy her "Study" series books at full-price, if that gives you any indication), so when she asked if I would put some info about the upcoming workshop on my blog, I was like, "Heck yeah, I will!" If I lived in New York, I'd be attending this myself. Anyway, here is the information she sent to me:
"My name is Jordan Mierek, and I am the vice president of the Utica Writers Club. This July, we are hosting a writing workshop with guest speaker, Maria V. Snyder.
A few years ago, I read Maria’s novel POISON STUDY, and fell in love with it. The characters are realistic and captivating, and the storyline is unique. The back of the book included Maria’s author biography, as well as her email address. Whenever I read a book I enjoy, I make sure to tell the author. I emailed Maria and she actually wrote back. Her reply was personal, not a form, which I usually received from authors. Since then, we have kept up our correspondence and she has proven very helpful in my own writing endeavors. When the Utica Writers Club was discussing which author they wanted to host a writing workshop, I knew Maria would be a great candidate.
Maria V. Snyder was originally a meteorologist before she became a novelist. She is the author of the New York Times best-selling Study series (POISON STUDY, MAGIC STUDY, and FIRE STUDY), the award winning Glass series (STORM GLASS, SEA GLASS, and SPY GLASS), and the Insider books (INSIDE OUT and OUTSIDE IN). She has also written numerous short stories for anthologies. She is currently working on a new fantasy series and the first book, TOUCH OF POWER, is to be published January 2012.
The writing workshop will be held on July 16, 2011 at the Kirkland Town Library in Clinton, New York. It will run from 1 pm to 4 pm. The cost is $25, and the registration form is located here: http://uticawritersclub.org/workshop.html. Maria will also have signed copies of her books available for purchase.
The itinerary for the event is the following:
1 pm-1:45 pm - Writing Fiction, Tips, Techniques, Rules and Breaking the Rules
2:00-2:45 - How to Get Published
3:00-3:30 - Question/Answer Session
3:30 – Door Prizes/Thank You/Autograph"
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Angry Robot Stats update
For anyone else who submitted to them, Angry Robot Books just posted some stats on what they've sorted through so far:
Angry Robot Books open month stats
Basically, it says:
"We reported in April that we’d had just under 1,000 submissions during our Open Door month in March. After accounting for duplicated and recalled submissions, the final tally is 944*.
Of those 944:
131 were described by the authors as horror.
318 as science fiction
423 as fantasy
72 had no genre attached (despite the submission guidelines stating a genre should be chosen. Ah, well).
Of the 131 horror submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS. 1 full submission was called in (and rejected).**
Of the 423 fantasy submissions, 246 were rejected without calling in a full MS, 14 were rejected after calling in a full MS, 150 are still in the reading list, and 13 have been escalated to the Angry Robot editorial team.
Of the 318 SF submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS, none have yet been rejected after calling in a full MS, 186 are still in the reading list, and 2 have been escalated to the editors.
Of the “other” 72, 64 were rejected without calling in a full submission, 6 were rejected after calling in the full MS and 2 have been escalated.
So, altogether:
336 still to read.
570 rejected at partial stage.
21 rejected after calling in the full MS.
17 have so far reached the editors’ desks (that’s 2.8% of the submissions read so far)..."
I assume I'm still in the reading list, since I have yet to hear back on my full. Sigh...
If this comes back as a rejection, I may rewrite the ending. Completely. Those who've Beta-ed for me know what I'm talking about.
It's an idea that's been niggling at the back of my mind for awhile, but I resisted it. But lately I've wondered if perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to turn the entire thing on its head. My concern is that the alternate ending I have in mind seems a tad 'deus-ex-machina'-esque. Also, I'm concerned that if I get this idea in my head now, I'll decide I MUST change it and get myself into trouble. A rewritten ending means a rewritten sequel, which I'm already 22,000 words into.
Angry Robot Books open month stats
Basically, it says:
"We reported in April that we’d had just under 1,000 submissions during our Open Door month in March. After accounting for duplicated and recalled submissions, the final tally is 944*.
Of those 944:
131 were described by the authors as horror.
318 as science fiction
423 as fantasy
72 had no genre attached (despite the submission guidelines stating a genre should be chosen. Ah, well).
Of the 131 horror submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS. 1 full submission was called in (and rejected).**
Of the 423 fantasy submissions, 246 were rejected without calling in a full MS, 14 were rejected after calling in a full MS, 150 are still in the reading list, and 13 have been escalated to the Angry Robot editorial team.
Of the 318 SF submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS, none have yet been rejected after calling in a full MS, 186 are still in the reading list, and 2 have been escalated to the editors.
Of the “other” 72, 64 were rejected without calling in a full submission, 6 were rejected after calling in the full MS and 2 have been escalated.
So, altogether:
336 still to read.
570 rejected at partial stage.
21 rejected after calling in the full MS.
17 have so far reached the editors’ desks (that’s 2.8% of the submissions read so far)..."
I assume I'm still in the reading list, since I have yet to hear back on my full. Sigh...
If this comes back as a rejection, I may rewrite the ending. Completely. Those who've Beta-ed for me know what I'm talking about.
It's an idea that's been niggling at the back of my mind for awhile, but I resisted it. But lately I've wondered if perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to turn the entire thing on its head. My concern is that the alternate ending I have in mind seems a tad 'deus-ex-machina'-esque. Also, I'm concerned that if I get this idea in my head now, I'll decide I MUST change it and get myself into trouble. A rewritten ending means a rewritten sequel, which I'm already 22,000 words into.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
How thou dost afflict me!
A form rejection on a full? Really?
Look, I know agents are busy. I know they have to sift through encyclopedias of bad grammar, incorrect punctuation, and poorly-constructed storylines, but come on. How can an agent gush about how much they loved my partial and can’t wait to reading the rest of it, then come back with nothing more than a brief, soul-crushing, “Thanks for the look, but this is not for me?”
REALLY?
It’s insulting, is what it is.
If you loved the first three chapters, what about the next 18 turned you off so much? At what point did you say, “If I try finish this load of crap my head might explode?” Did you start to hate my characters? Was the ending unbelievable? Did parts of it drag? Was it too sexy? Too violent? Not sexy or violent enough? What? Give me something, anything, to work with. Even a brief sentence or two describing what aspect of my novel poured icy water on the coals of your enthusiasm would be appreciated.
I’m not saying this agent should have offered unconditional representation. I get that my book will never be everyone’s cup of tea. I get that it probably needs work. But how can I fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong?
Giving a one-sentence form rejection on a FULL MANUSCRIPT SUBMISSION is like finding out you’ve been dumped when your boyfriend changed his Facebook status to “single,” then never speaks to you again. It’s like stumbling into a void that wasn’t there ten seconds ago.
I hate emotions. They’re so depressing. Up, down, up, down, sideways, backwards, upside-down, over and over again, until I throw up. I feel like a manic-depressive or something, and I am not enjoying it.
Maybe I need to find another couple of Betas. Or maybe I just need to go eat my feelings. Perhaps curling up with Watership Down and half a cheesecake will take the pain away.
Only one way to find out…
Look, I know agents are busy. I know they have to sift through encyclopedias of bad grammar, incorrect punctuation, and poorly-constructed storylines, but come on. How can an agent gush about how much they loved my partial and can’t wait to reading the rest of it, then come back with nothing more than a brief, soul-crushing, “Thanks for the look, but this is not for me?”
REALLY?
It’s insulting, is what it is.
If you loved the first three chapters, what about the next 18 turned you off so much? At what point did you say, “If I try finish this load of crap my head might explode?” Did you start to hate my characters? Was the ending unbelievable? Did parts of it drag? Was it too sexy? Too violent? Not sexy or violent enough? What? Give me something, anything, to work with. Even a brief sentence or two describing what aspect of my novel poured icy water on the coals of your enthusiasm would be appreciated.
I’m not saying this agent should have offered unconditional representation. I get that my book will never be everyone’s cup of tea. I get that it probably needs work. But how can I fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong?
Giving a one-sentence form rejection on a FULL MANUSCRIPT SUBMISSION is like finding out you’ve been dumped when your boyfriend changed his Facebook status to “single,” then never speaks to you again. It’s like stumbling into a void that wasn’t there ten seconds ago.
I hate emotions. They’re so depressing. Up, down, up, down, sideways, backwards, upside-down, over and over again, until I throw up. I feel like a manic-depressive or something, and I am not enjoying it.
Maybe I need to find another couple of Betas. Or maybe I just need to go eat my feelings. Perhaps curling up with Watership Down and half a cheesecake will take the pain away.
Only one way to find out…
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Creativity Exercise #10
1. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Only as ceiling tiles or to cover up stains on the walls
2. Do you have freckles?
No, they have me. But there's only a couple of them. I think I can take 'em.
3. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
There’s always music playing. In my head.
4. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
They come out easier that way.
5. Can guys wear pink?
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in like 78 states by now.
6. What do you drink with dinner?
Fluids, mostly
7. What do you dip chicken nuggets in?
Stomach acid
8. What is your least favorite thing to eat?
Rusty nails and broken glass tempura
9. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Well, I’ve never been a boy/girl, so…no. I thought they frowned on that sort of thing.
10. Are you lazy?
I can’t summon the energy to answer that question. Answer it for me, would you?
11. Are you afraid of heights?
Only of falling from them
12. Do you dance in the shower?
Only conga lines and breakdancing. Although occasionally I will get my crew together and have a dance-off in there.
13. Wal-Mart, target, or K-Mart?
In a fist fight? I don’t know…they all seem like they’ve grown up in the streets, lived some hard lives in and out of foster homes, but Target seems like it’s got a little more money. Maybe only had one foster home, with rich parents and went to community college. I guess I’d have to say Wal-Mart. It's big, it's angry, and it's already taken over most of the world (I think it may have eaten K-Mart).
14. Can you curl your tongue?
Yeah, but it burns and I can’t taste anything for a week. Plus it ruins the curling iron.
15. Do you burn incense?
Only when it won’t listen.
16. Do you prefer hot tea or cold tea?
Mountain Dew
17. Do you procrastinate?
Ask me later
18. What’s your favorite color?
The one I like more than any other color
19. Have you ever been yelled at?
No. Never. Everyone I’ve ever met loves me immediately and without reservation, on sight, and would defend me to the death. Even the ones who hate me or just reserve judgment until they get to know me better
20. How many kids do you want?
I’m not zoned for goats
Only as ceiling tiles or to cover up stains on the walls
2. Do you have freckles?
No, they have me. But there's only a couple of them. I think I can take 'em.
3. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
There’s always music playing. In my head.
4. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
They come out easier that way.
5. Can guys wear pink?
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in like 78 states by now.
6. What do you drink with dinner?
Fluids, mostly
7. What do you dip chicken nuggets in?
Stomach acid
8. What is your least favorite thing to eat?
Rusty nails and broken glass tempura
9. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Well, I’ve never been a boy/girl, so…no. I thought they frowned on that sort of thing.
10. Are you lazy?
I can’t summon the energy to answer that question. Answer it for me, would you?
11. Are you afraid of heights?
Only of falling from them
12. Do you dance in the shower?
Only conga lines and breakdancing. Although occasionally I will get my crew together and have a dance-off in there.
13. Wal-Mart, target, or K-Mart?
In a fist fight? I don’t know…they all seem like they’ve grown up in the streets, lived some hard lives in and out of foster homes, but Target seems like it’s got a little more money. Maybe only had one foster home, with rich parents and went to community college. I guess I’d have to say Wal-Mart. It's big, it's angry, and it's already taken over most of the world (I think it may have eaten K-Mart).
14. Can you curl your tongue?
Yeah, but it burns and I can’t taste anything for a week. Plus it ruins the curling iron.
15. Do you burn incense?
Only when it won’t listen.
16. Do you prefer hot tea or cold tea?
Mountain Dew
17. Do you procrastinate?
Ask me later
18. What’s your favorite color?
The one I like more than any other color
19. Have you ever been yelled at?
No. Never. Everyone I’ve ever met loves me immediately and without reservation, on sight, and would defend me to the death. Even the ones who hate me or just reserve judgment until they get to know me better
20. How many kids do you want?
I’m not zoned for goats
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I Should be Writing
I sat down at the computer to work on Book 2, but I've found so many other things to distract me. I have to check me email, go through the forums, check my email again, check my bank account, check my ebay & etsy accounts, check emails again...the list; she goes on and on.
Frankly, I don't like to write much at home, when other people are in the house. I know how I get. Once I immerse myself into that other world, it's dangerous to try and yank me out of it. I might kill a body.
I'll be rolling merrily along, working happily on my book, when my sweet, well-meaning husband will come up and hug me. I almost bite his head off.
"I'm busy," I say without looking up. I try to shrug him off, but he loves me, poor fool, and he hangs on until I turn around and snarl at him.
David gives me that hurt puppy-dog face, but I'm too annoyed at the interruption to feel bad about it. "I wuv wooo," he says.
"Great. Thanks. Now go away." I turn back to my computer, but he doesn't leave, so I can't concentrate. I spin around, eyes flashing and smoke streaming from my nostrils. "WHAT?? What do you want; what do you need; why are you here?"
Sadder puppy face from David. "I just--uh--it's after midnight. Did you want to hang out, or get something to eat, or watch a movie?"
I feel a momentary twinge of guilt, but I'm trying to hold some brilliant snippet of dialogue in my head, and every moment I waste outside of my book-world brings me closer to forgetting it. So instead I make a growling noise and turn back to the computer. "Later," I mumble.
It goes on like this for awhile, and it often starts a fight of some kind. I know I'm being mean. I know he's sweet and wonderful. But my characters are in an end-of-the-world-type situation and flashes of brilliance wait for no one. Which is why I hesitate to do much writing when we're both off work and at home. That's Dave & Becky time.
But tonight he's in his man-cave (the garage, outfitted with a fully-stocked bar, refrigerator, pool table, poker table, dartboard, big-screen TV, and surround sound system) with his friends. So I sat down to fiddle with my book. And distractions abound.
Ok, I'm going to try to get some actual work done. G'night, everybody!
Frankly, I don't like to write much at home, when other people are in the house. I know how I get. Once I immerse myself into that other world, it's dangerous to try and yank me out of it. I might kill a body.
I'll be rolling merrily along, working happily on my book, when my sweet, well-meaning husband will come up and hug me. I almost bite his head off.
"I'm busy," I say without looking up. I try to shrug him off, but he loves me, poor fool, and he hangs on until I turn around and snarl at him.
David gives me that hurt puppy-dog face, but I'm too annoyed at the interruption to feel bad about it. "I wuv wooo," he says.
"Great. Thanks. Now go away." I turn back to my computer, but he doesn't leave, so I can't concentrate. I spin around, eyes flashing and smoke streaming from my nostrils. "WHAT?? What do you want; what do you need; why are you here?"
Sadder puppy face from David. "I just--uh--it's after midnight. Did you want to hang out, or get something to eat, or watch a movie?"
I feel a momentary twinge of guilt, but I'm trying to hold some brilliant snippet of dialogue in my head, and every moment I waste outside of my book-world brings me closer to forgetting it. So instead I make a growling noise and turn back to the computer. "Later," I mumble.
It goes on like this for awhile, and it often starts a fight of some kind. I know I'm being mean. I know he's sweet and wonderful. But my characters are in an end-of-the-world-type situation and flashes of brilliance wait for no one. Which is why I hesitate to do much writing when we're both off work and at home. That's Dave & Becky time.
But tonight he's in his man-cave (the garage, outfitted with a fully-stocked bar, refrigerator, pool table, poker table, dartboard, big-screen TV, and surround sound system) with his friends. So I sat down to fiddle with my book. And distractions abound.
Ok, I'm going to try to get some actual work done. G'night, everybody!
Friday, June 10, 2011
How to Change a Tire
I’ve been reading the new Stephen King book, a collection of novellas entitled Full Dark, no Stars. The second story in this collection is entitled Big Driver, and the whole ordeal could have been neatly avoided if only the main character knew how to change her own flat tire.
My initial response was a scoffing, “Please. Who'd wait two hours for Triple A to find her in the middle of nowhere, to change one flat tire? Who doesn’t know how to change a tire?”
Curious in spite of my laughing disbelief, I made some inquiries. The response was almost universal. And utterly horrifying. Almost every woman I spoke to had no idea how to change a flat tire. Otherwise capable and intelligent women, reduced to pathetic, limp-wristed cream puffs over a bad pothole or a rusty nail.
Are you kidding me?
Unacceptable. Ladies, I’m giving you the ol’ wag-of-the-finger. It's changing a tire, not rebuilding a carburetor. The only easier car maintenance tasks are filling up the wiper fluid reservoir or pumping your own gas. You’re smarter than that.
The first time I changed a tire, I was 16 years old. A three-inch metal bolt screamed, "Goodbye, cruel world!" and threw itself at my car. Its suicide attempt failed, but it managed to shred the front passenger tire of my ‘89 Honda CRX to ribbons before it rediscovered its zest for life and bounced merrily down the road.
I was alone on the side of a busy highway. I'd never so much as watched someone change a tire before, and I had received no prior instructions on how to do it.
Took me fifteen minutes. Sure, I got a little grease on my hands, but it saved me from being raped and murdered while I waited for someone to swoop in and rescue me like a helpless princess.
So, in the spirit of ending ignorance and preventing senseless violence against my fellow females, I’m going to tell you all how to change a flat tire. I assume you have a spare or a donut (at least you’d better, or you can guess which finger I’ll wag at you next). While we’re at it, you should keep a basic tool kit and a pair of jumper cables in your trunk, as well. If you don’t have them, go spend the $15 at Wal-Mart at once.
Go on; I’ll wait.
...
Ok. You need only three things to perform a tire change:
1. Spare tire or donut
2. Tire iron
3. Jack (and no, I don't mean a man named Jack. Don't get cute.)
Your car should have come with all these things.
Ok. On to the task:
1. If you have one, remove the hubcap.
2. Use tire iron to loosen lug nuts (but don’t remove them yet)
3. Set the jack under the frame of the car, making sure it will push up on the METAL FRAME and not fiberglass, wires, or anything else that won’t withstand the weight of the car.
4. Use the jack to raise the car up off the ground. You only need about an inch of daylight under the tire.
5. Remove lug nuts
6. Remove tire
7. Place spare tire/donut onto the wheel bolts
8. Replace lug nuts
9. Lower car & remove jack
10. Tighten lug nuts
That’s it. Ta-da!! Two tools and fifteen minutes, and you’ve saved yourself from making the news and becoming a stereotype. Or at least saved yourself a $50 fee to Triple A, or however much it costs.
You’re welcome.
My initial response was a scoffing, “Please. Who'd wait two hours for Triple A to find her in the middle of nowhere, to change one flat tire? Who doesn’t know how to change a tire?”
Curious in spite of my laughing disbelief, I made some inquiries. The response was almost universal. And utterly horrifying. Almost every woman I spoke to had no idea how to change a flat tire. Otherwise capable and intelligent women, reduced to pathetic, limp-wristed cream puffs over a bad pothole or a rusty nail.
Are you kidding me?
Unacceptable. Ladies, I’m giving you the ol’ wag-of-the-finger. It's changing a tire, not rebuilding a carburetor. The only easier car maintenance tasks are filling up the wiper fluid reservoir or pumping your own gas. You’re smarter than that.
The first time I changed a tire, I was 16 years old. A three-inch metal bolt screamed, "Goodbye, cruel world!" and threw itself at my car. Its suicide attempt failed, but it managed to shred the front passenger tire of my ‘89 Honda CRX to ribbons before it rediscovered its zest for life and bounced merrily down the road.
I was alone on the side of a busy highway. I'd never so much as watched someone change a tire before, and I had received no prior instructions on how to do it.
Took me fifteen minutes. Sure, I got a little grease on my hands, but it saved me from being raped and murdered while I waited for someone to swoop in and rescue me like a helpless princess.
So, in the spirit of ending ignorance and preventing senseless violence against my fellow females, I’m going to tell you all how to change a flat tire. I assume you have a spare or a donut (at least you’d better, or you can guess which finger I’ll wag at you next). While we’re at it, you should keep a basic tool kit and a pair of jumper cables in your trunk, as well. If you don’t have them, go spend the $15 at Wal-Mart at once.
Go on; I’ll wait.
...
Ok. You need only three things to perform a tire change:
1. Spare tire or donut
2. Tire iron
3. Jack (and no, I don't mean a man named Jack. Don't get cute.)
Your car should have come with all these things.
Ok. On to the task:
1. If you have one, remove the hubcap.
2. Use tire iron to loosen lug nuts (but don’t remove them yet)
3. Set the jack under the frame of the car, making sure it will push up on the METAL FRAME and not fiberglass, wires, or anything else that won’t withstand the weight of the car.
4. Use the jack to raise the car up off the ground. You only need about an inch of daylight under the tire.
5. Remove lug nuts
6. Remove tire
7. Place spare tire/donut onto the wheel bolts
8. Replace lug nuts
9. Lower car & remove jack
10. Tighten lug nuts
That’s it. Ta-da!! Two tools and fifteen minutes, and you’ve saved yourself from making the news and becoming a stereotype. Or at least saved yourself a $50 fee to Triple A, or however much it costs.
You’re welcome.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Creativity Exercise #9
1. What is your favorite speed limit?
Ï€
2. Are you smiling?
Only when I’m up to something. So, yes.
3. Is there a difference between the words “bestfriend” and “friend?
No. The words themselves are identical in every way, especially in the letters area.
4. Can you touch your toes?
Just how fat do you think I am?
5. Do you walk?
No, I fly. I have wings, you see.
6. Is silence really golden?
I always thought it was more of a chartreuse.
7. Can you count past 100?
Sometimes. When the wind is coming from the right quadrant, although most of the time I can’t count past 37.
8. What language would you like to learn?
Dog
9. Would you call yourself smart?
Not to my face
10. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got older
11. Is good grammar attractive?
I like a little danger in my pronouns. Put “e” before “i” and line 16 commas up in a row where none of them belong…now that’s sexy.
12. What are your last four texts from?
Cell phones
13. Favorite flavor of vitamin water?
Mountain dew
14. Could you go out in public looking like you do right now?
Well, I’m at work, and it’s “G-string, pasties, and thunder thighs Thursday,” so…yeah. Totally.
15. How often do you hold back what you want to say?
All the time, but it’s strong. Sometimes it takes 7 or 8 of my personalities to pin it down and keep it tranquilized.
16. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
No. No one gets that I’m married. No one even knows what that is. They say, “Married? What is that, some kind of fish?” No. No, it’s not.
17. Day been rough?
Coherent question be asked can? Grammer correct with? No? Yoda?
18. When you say you don’t care, do you mean it?
No, I’m just trying to be manipulative. I actually have a strong and well-researched opinion on what kind of gum I want.
19. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The top
20. Do you have a best friend who knows you inside and out?
Yes, Ashley & I frequently perform random surgeries on one another just so we can say that.
If you have a question/questions you'd like me to take completely out of context for your amusement, feel free to send them my way. beckahrah @ gmail.com
Ï€
2. Are you smiling?
Only when I’m up to something. So, yes.
3. Is there a difference between the words “bestfriend” and “friend?
No. The words themselves are identical in every way, especially in the letters area.
4. Can you touch your toes?
Just how fat do you think I am?
5. Do you walk?
No, I fly. I have wings, you see.
6. Is silence really golden?
I always thought it was more of a chartreuse.
7. Can you count past 100?
Sometimes. When the wind is coming from the right quadrant, although most of the time I can’t count past 37.
8. What language would you like to learn?
Dog
9. Would you call yourself smart?
Not to my face
10. What did you do for your last birthday?
Got older
11. Is good grammar attractive?
I like a little danger in my pronouns. Put “e” before “i” and line 16 commas up in a row where none of them belong…now that’s sexy.
12. What are your last four texts from?
Cell phones
13. Favorite flavor of vitamin water?
Mountain dew
14. Could you go out in public looking like you do right now?
Well, I’m at work, and it’s “G-string, pasties, and thunder thighs Thursday,” so…yeah. Totally.
15. How often do you hold back what you want to say?
All the time, but it’s strong. Sometimes it takes 7 or 8 of my personalities to pin it down and keep it tranquilized.
16. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
No. No one gets that I’m married. No one even knows what that is. They say, “Married? What is that, some kind of fish?” No. No, it’s not.
17. Day been rough?
Coherent question be asked can? Grammer correct with? No? Yoda?
18. When you say you don’t care, do you mean it?
No, I’m just trying to be manipulative. I actually have a strong and well-researched opinion on what kind of gum I want.
19. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The top
20. Do you have a best friend who knows you inside and out?
Yes, Ashley & I frequently perform random surgeries on one another just so we can say that.
If you have a question/questions you'd like me to take completely out of context for your amusement, feel free to send them my way. beckahrah @ gmail.com
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
All the Noise, Noise, Noise, NOISE!!
Writing used to be so easy. I could plop myself down at a computer or a typewriter or even a good ol’ fashioned spiral notebook and whip out a flawless and world-changing short story in a single afternoon.
No longer. I think it’s because I’m so conscious of all the ‘rules’ now. “Too many infinitive phrases. There’s another gerund; gotta get rid of that. Don’t start a sentence with ‘but’ or ‘and,’ at least not too often. How often is too often? Heaven save me, I used another adverb. I think I’ve used the word ‘look’ too many times…let me bring up the ‘find’ feature and see if I can fix that. How many ‘as’ phrases have I used on this page? Ugh; that’s four sentences in a row that begin with the word ‘she.’ Have I really used the same structure for ever sentence in this paragraph? Is that sentence too passive? Is this ‘telling,’ rather than ‘showing?’ No, no, no!! It’s wrong, all wrong!”
And round and round we go. I know first drafts aren’t fit to live. I know that. The best advice I ever got was “Get it down, then get it right,” but I laugh in that advice’s face, because it’s not happening.
I didn’t care about those rules ten years ago. I was a brash young upstart who thought your archaic grammar rules didn’t apply to my literary genius, as long as I knew how to properly wield a comma. But now I know better. Now I can’t get those endless regulations out of my head, and it interferes with my creative process. And now I sound like a hippie.
Sigh. It's all noise in my head. Endless interference, like white noise, only more distracting and not relaxing at all. So I guess it's not like white noise. More like rush hour traffic or teenage scream day at the mall.
Ah, well. Back to work...
No longer. I think it’s because I’m so conscious of all the ‘rules’ now. “Too many infinitive phrases. There’s another gerund; gotta get rid of that. Don’t start a sentence with ‘but’ or ‘and,’ at least not too often. How often is too often? Heaven save me, I used another adverb. I think I’ve used the word ‘look’ too many times…let me bring up the ‘find’ feature and see if I can fix that. How many ‘as’ phrases have I used on this page? Ugh; that’s four sentences in a row that begin with the word ‘she.’ Have I really used the same structure for ever sentence in this paragraph? Is that sentence too passive? Is this ‘telling,’ rather than ‘showing?’ No, no, no!! It’s wrong, all wrong!”
And round and round we go. I know first drafts aren’t fit to live. I know that. The best advice I ever got was “Get it down, then get it right,” but I laugh in that advice’s face, because it’s not happening.
I didn’t care about those rules ten years ago. I was a brash young upstart who thought your archaic grammar rules didn’t apply to my literary genius, as long as I knew how to properly wield a comma. But now I know better. Now I can’t get those endless regulations out of my head, and it interferes with my creative process. And now I sound like a hippie.
Sigh. It's all noise in my head. Endless interference, like white noise, only more distracting and not relaxing at all. So I guess it's not like white noise. More like rush hour traffic or teenage scream day at the mall.
Ah, well. Back to work...
Monday, June 6, 2011
Blog Award! Huzzah!
Oo! I've received another blog award! Thank you to Tara over at Tara Tyler Talks for the honor!
Ok, so 7 things about me...hm...
1. I'm a devout Christian but I have a serious phobia about going to church.
2. Apparently my house is considered the 'party house' in our HOA, thanks to my husband's pool hall & bar in our garage.
3. I am a Christmas fanatic, with a capital J-I-N-G-L-E-B-E-L-L-S. I have 8 Christmas trees...I think. I can't remember exactly. And that's just on the inside.
4. I hate chick lit with a vehemence that borders on the demonic.
5. I wear T-shirts and jeans everywhere, even to work. I've often looked for jobs that would allow me to wear t-shirts and jeans. I hate dresses, make-up, and all other girly paraphenalia; always have, always will. Except jewelry. I do LOVE me some jewelry, as long as it's sparkly. I'm very dragon-ish that way.
6. I think Kirsten Wiig on Saturday Night Live is too much of a mediocre thing, and she needs to go away. She's in every sketch, and she's not very funny. Except for Target Lady. She can stick around.
7. If I could have one super power, it would be shape-shifting.
And I have to pass it on to 5 people? Hm. Ok, then. If you've already received this award, well, you're sweeter than you realized, I guess. :)
1. Bekah Snow (who spells Rebekah correctly, btw)
2. Adventures of the Cautionary Tale
3. The Query Goblin
4. To Win the Lottery of Words
5. The Monster in Your Closet
So the rules for receiving this award are (as I understand them):
1. Thank the person who gave you the blog award & post a link back to their page on your blog
2. Post 7 random facts about yourself on your blog
3. Send the award out to 5 other "Irresistably Sweet" people
Ok, so 7 things about me...hm...
1. I'm a devout Christian but I have a serious phobia about going to church.
2. Apparently my house is considered the 'party house' in our HOA, thanks to my husband's pool hall & bar in our garage.
3. I am a Christmas fanatic, with a capital J-I-N-G-L-E-B-E-L-L-S. I have 8 Christmas trees...I think. I can't remember exactly. And that's just on the inside.
4. I hate chick lit with a vehemence that borders on the demonic.
5. I wear T-shirts and jeans everywhere, even to work. I've often looked for jobs that would allow me to wear t-shirts and jeans. I hate dresses, make-up, and all other girly paraphenalia; always have, always will. Except jewelry. I do LOVE me some jewelry, as long as it's sparkly. I'm very dragon-ish that way.
6. I think Kirsten Wiig on Saturday Night Live is too much of a mediocre thing, and she needs to go away. She's in every sketch, and she's not very funny. Except for Target Lady. She can stick around.
7. If I could have one super power, it would be shape-shifting.
And I have to pass it on to 5 people? Hm. Ok, then. If you've already received this award, well, you're sweeter than you realized, I guess. :)
1. Bekah Snow (who spells Rebekah correctly, btw)
2. Adventures of the Cautionary Tale
3. The Query Goblin
4. To Win the Lottery of Words
5. The Monster in Your Closet
So the rules for receiving this award are (as I understand them):
1. Thank the person who gave you the blog award & post a link back to their page on your blog
2. Post 7 random facts about yourself on your blog
3. Send the award out to 5 other "Irresistably Sweet" people
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Coco Puffs Look Like Bunny Poops
(Title is unrelated)
It is currently...2:32 AM in North Texas. I have Family Guy on Adult Swim in the background, and a now room-temperature diet root beer and a bowl of ever-softening Coco Puffs teetering precariously on the desk above my keyboard.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have had a breakthrough.
For anyone who's been paying attention, I cleared almost 3,000 words today on my WIP.
Once again, I am surprised by where the story takes me. I've been puttering along, extending Book 2 only through editing for far longer than I care to admit and checking my email every 15 seconds for...well, anything.
Then I change scenes, and voila; there the story is! Sneaky little bastard. Hiding all this time just down the hall from that abusive a-hole Levi's bedchamber. Silly me, hanging around there for weeks, hoping he'll say something interesting. Pshaw! I should have known better.
All right, break's over; back to work.
:D
It is currently...2:32 AM in North Texas. I have Family Guy on Adult Swim in the background, and a now room-temperature diet root beer and a bowl of ever-softening Coco Puffs teetering precariously on the desk above my keyboard.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have had a breakthrough.
For anyone who's been paying attention, I cleared almost 3,000 words today on my WIP.
Once again, I am surprised by where the story takes me. I've been puttering along, extending Book 2 only through editing for far longer than I care to admit and checking my email every 15 seconds for...well, anything.
Then I change scenes, and voila; there the story is! Sneaky little bastard. Hiding all this time just down the hall from that abusive a-hole Levi's bedchamber. Silly me, hanging around there for weeks, hoping he'll say something interesting. Pshaw! I should have known better.
All right, break's over; back to work.
:D
Friday, June 3, 2011
Review: The Inheritance: And Other Stories by Robin Hobb & Megan Lindholm
I’m not usually much of a short story reader. I like my novels. But I snagged an Early Reviewer copy of Robin Hobb’s The Inheritance: And Other Stories, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE her Mad Ship Trilogy and the Dragon Wilds Chronicles, so I was actually kind of excited to win this one. I’d never read anything by her alter ego, Megan Lindholm. I was dubious at first about that portion of the book, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Great stuff. Solid Science fiction and fantasy, excellent characters and storylines. It was a real pleasure to read. Each short story is prefaced by a personal note from the author describing why/how she wrote each piece. It was a nice little peek into her brain.
A Touch of Lavender – I thought this was a literary piece at first and was unhappy, but it turned out to be an intriguing sci-fi story about an alien named Lavender who falls in love with a human woman. The story is told from her son’s point of view, who watches in horror as his mother becomes addicted to the slimy excretion of the alien’s skin and falls into the all-too-familiar downward spiral of a junkie’s life.
Silver Lady and the Fortyish Man – Not my favorite, but short and sweet. A writer who has given up on her dreams finds mystery and romance with a customer who claims to be a magician, but keeps vanishing at inopportune moments – often leaving her to pay the check.
Cut – This one gave me the heebie-jeebies. A somewhat morbid and perhaps a tad too realistic tale set in the not-too-distant future. It’s about a teenage girl who wants to free herself from the ‘bondage’ of sexual desire, and her mother and grandmother’s desperate attempts to keep her from mutilating herself.
The Fifth Squashed Cat – A hitchhiker shows two women how a special bone from the fifth dead cat you pass in the road contains a special kind of magic…for some.
Strays – A strange young woman escapes into a hoard of stray cats to escape her abusive family life.
Finis – A vampire story, with a bit of a twist. Better than some I’ve read, and short enough to keep me from becoming impatient from yet another vampiric tale.
Drum Machine – One of the more forgettable stories in the book, in my opinion. I’m honestly having trouble remembering what it was about. Something to do with standardizing standardization. Everyone’s the same, all the time, even the music.
Homecoming – Yay, Rain Wilds! This was my favorite story in the book. A peek into the history of Bingtown. This is the tale of the very first settlers in the Rain Wilds and their struggle to fend off the madness enough to survive in that harsh and magical land.
The Inheritance – Title story. A grandmother dies, leaving her granddaughter with nothing – except a wizardwood pendant, which comes to life and helps the cast-out grandchild of a Bingtown Trader reclaim what is hers.
Cats Meat – Yet another cat story, although it was a good one. The father of Rosemary’s son returns after abandoning them three years ago. He demands access to the home and the life she has built up from nothing but a run-down cottage. He threatens Rosemary and her son, and their only hope for salvation comes in the form of the disgruntled cat who shares their home.
Altogether, it was a delightful anthology. Very original, and I loved getting to revisit the worlds she’s created. I may have to re-read the Liveship trilogy again, even though I have a stack of new books a mile high awaiting my attention.
My only complaint is that there were too many cat stories, and that most of them involved dead or dying cats. I’m not a cat person anyway. I don’t think they’re smarter than people or dogs, they can’t solve mysteries, and they’re neither sensitive nor special. Take them away, thank you. That being said, I also don’t enjoy reading about them being tortured, boiled, poisoned, or eaten.
I hope she writes some more Rain Wilds books soon.
Amazon page for The Inheritance: And Other Stories
The Inheritance: And Other Stories by Robin Hobb & Megan Lindholm
Paperback: 400 pages
Publisher: Harper Voyager; Original edition (May 3, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061561649
ISBN-13: 978-0061561641
**Oh, also; for all my blogging buddies, I have created a coupon should any of you feel the urge to spend some time at My Etsy shop. Use the code WritingGods (no spaces) for 15% off. :D **
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Published again!!
Huzzah!! Just got a short story published!! Happy dance all around! It's a horror story entitled, "Awfully Disappointing Either Way."
Check it out here:
The Fringe Magazine
Yay! So excited!!
(What makes this even nicer is the 3 query rejections right alongside this acceptance email. The writing gods giveth, and the writing gods taketh away...)
Check it out here:
The Fringe Magazine
Yay! So excited!!
(What makes this even nicer is the 3 query rejections right alongside this acceptance email. The writing gods giveth, and the writing gods taketh away...)
Selling Pendants at my Etsy shop
I'm going to dip my toe into the jewelry-selling biz. I've had an Etsy shop for awhile, but I haven't really tried to sell anything before now.
But, alas; I need money to help pay for all the fireworks I intend to buy for the 4th of July, so I'm going to take a stab at it. I've listed about a dozen of my glass tile pendants for sale online. And since this is pretty much my only means of advertising, I'm pimping it out here. Yaaaay!!!
Check them out! I also do custom work. :)
As a thank you to all my blogging friends, use the code WritingGods at checkout for 15% off. :D
(Thanks for humoring me!)
But, alas; I need money to help pay for all the fireworks I intend to buy for the 4th of July, so I'm going to take a stab at it. I've listed about a dozen of my glass tile pendants for sale online. And since this is pretty much my only means of advertising, I'm pimping it out here. Yaaaay!!!
Check them out! I also do custom work. :)
As a thank you to all my blogging friends, use the code WritingGods at checkout for 15% off. :D
(Thanks for humoring me!)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Creativity Exercise #8
1. Do you want to be a princess?
Nobody wants to be a princess. All that breeding responsibility and being forced to marry your father’s war buddy. No, thank you.
2. Do you believe dreams come true?
I sure hope not. The world would be an unhappy place if my half-insane night terrors manifested themselves upon your reality.
3. Do you like Batman?
Only as a friend.
4. Ever been tanning?
It’s a smelly hobby, but once the apocalypse comes, who will you turn to for leather? Me, that’s who.
5. Where are your parents?
They said they were just going out for cigarettes, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.
6. What made you sick the last time?
Excessive bacteria/viruses that temporarily overwhelmed by immune system
7. What are you thinking about right now?
Flying monkeys sewing quilts for crack babies (and now you are, too)
8. How many friends have your back?
I don’t know. We’ve never compared them before.
9. What is your summer theme song?
Holly Jolly Christmas
10. The last time you went to the fridge, what were you looking for?
My self-respect.
11. If you had to either eat your weight in marshmallows or eat your weight in chocolate, which would you choose?
Why choose?
12. Ever go ghost hunting?
I’m always ghost hunting. Ghosts got some good meat on ‘em.
13. Where was the last zit you had?
On my skin
14. Do you eat eggs?
Everyone knows that eggs are only useful as suppositories
15. What color is your umbrella?
Wait…this is one of those self-esteem questions, isn’t it? Gimme a second; I know this. Um…“No one can do a better job of being you than you!”
16. Do you really care about the environment?
Why should I? It doesn’t care about me.
17. Do you dislike small children?
Well, I do prefer great big fat ones.
18. Do you secretly think babies are ugly?
What do you mean, ‘secretly?’
19. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
Inhale
20. Do you curse?
I’m trying to quit. Apparently, Jesus frowns on the whole ‘witchcraft’ thing.
Nobody wants to be a princess. All that breeding responsibility and being forced to marry your father’s war buddy. No, thank you.
2. Do you believe dreams come true?
I sure hope not. The world would be an unhappy place if my half-insane night terrors manifested themselves upon your reality.
3. Do you like Batman?
Only as a friend.
4. Ever been tanning?
It’s a smelly hobby, but once the apocalypse comes, who will you turn to for leather? Me, that’s who.
5. Where are your parents?
They said they were just going out for cigarettes, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.
6. What made you sick the last time?
Excessive bacteria/viruses that temporarily overwhelmed by immune system
7. What are you thinking about right now?
Flying monkeys sewing quilts for crack babies (and now you are, too)
8. How many friends have your back?
I don’t know. We’ve never compared them before.
9. What is your summer theme song?
Holly Jolly Christmas
10. The last time you went to the fridge, what were you looking for?
My self-respect.
11. If you had to either eat your weight in marshmallows or eat your weight in chocolate, which would you choose?
Why choose?
12. Ever go ghost hunting?
I’m always ghost hunting. Ghosts got some good meat on ‘em.
13. Where was the last zit you had?
On my skin
14. Do you eat eggs?
Everyone knows that eggs are only useful as suppositories
15. What color is your umbrella?
Wait…this is one of those self-esteem questions, isn’t it? Gimme a second; I know this. Um…“No one can do a better job of being you than you!”
16. Do you really care about the environment?
Why should I? It doesn’t care about me.
17. Do you dislike small children?
Well, I do prefer great big fat ones.
18. Do you secretly think babies are ugly?
What do you mean, ‘secretly?’
19. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
Inhale
20. Do you curse?
I’m trying to quit. Apparently, Jesus frowns on the whole ‘witchcraft’ thing.
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