Rejected, Again.

I awoke this morning to the typical shriek of my alarm clock, groped for my phone (naturally), and…yep, there it was, at long last. My rejection letter from Angry Robot Books. Something to the effect of “the writing was good, characters were good, but it just didn’t quite have that AR feel, and yes, it really is just that vague, but please feel free to query any future works with us,” blah, blah, blah. It took all my strength just to get out of bed.

I knew it was coming. When the editor posted on the main AR thread over at AW that anyone from Open Door Month who hadn’t heard back should email him, I knew it didn’t bode well for me. When he sent out mass emails saying we'd hear back in a few days, I figured that was pretty much it. I doubted I was going to get an email that read, “We loved it so much we completely forgot about it.” Yeah…no. But that didn’t keep my heart from plummeting when I read the actual rejection email.

I carefully avoided the subject with my husband when I got up, because I’m a grouch and a half anyway in the mornings and bursting into tears or somehow blaming it all on him was surely not going to help things. He still doesn’t know, and I’m sorry about that, David. I love you! So I got into my car, put “Someone Like You” on repeat, and damned to Hell every car I saw all the way to work.

I suck, you suck, everybody sucks but me, %$#&$ ^#$@*$ EVERYBODY!!!!

So I’m blogging about my pain and my (for the moment) utter conviction that I’m a hack and I’ll never write again, and trying to refrain from deleting everything I’ve ever written, including that biology paper I’ve been working on.

You see, real-life Becky is an even-keeled, dispassionate automaton, but virtual Becky has extreme emotional knee-jerk reactions all over the internet that she regrets ten minutes later. Real-life Becky sits very still and keeps her trap shut when she’s upset. Virtual Becky goes on rampages and killing sprees and makes bad decisions. So real-life Becky is trying very hard to keep her foul-mouthed and impulsive alter-ego under control until she calms down.

I don’t suck. I know that. Except, you know, I TOTALLY DO SUCK and I should stop submitting anything to anyone ever again. I can’t even get a short story published. I mean…I have, but not for months, and not for pay. But the version AR rejected was almost a year old, and it’s been through several betas and revisions since then, including some by the other Anxious Appliances, who are all literary geniuses. Heck, when I change a minor spelling error I look back in disgust on the previous version and hate myself for ever sending it out. I gave EoS to my coworker to read yesterday, as she is a fantasy reader. She put it on her Nook, opened it up, and didn’t move for twenty minutes. So it can’t be THAT bad, right? RIGHT?

WRONG! It SUCKS and you KNOW IT! It’s cliché and stupid and tropic and everybody hates it except non-writer people who don’t know any better. AAH! Give me that hard drive, I’m going to KILL IT IN THE FACE!!

Now I have to decide whether I want to rework EoS into a YA or submit it again as is. I don’t know yet, and as I mentioned before, virtual Becky makes very hasty and often very bad decisions when she's upset. So I’m going to give myself a couple of days to be sad and hate myself, and then I’ll do…I don’t know, something.

I wish I drank.

HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!

At the gentle urging of Miss Java from QT & AW, I gave the Angry Robot people a tentative, uber-formal, and grossly apologetic nudge about my full MS submission of Eyes of Stone, since I sent it in on March 2nd and had yet to hear back from them.

Good thing I did, because my reader meant to send it on to the editorial staff some time ago, but her email played a cruel joke on the both of us and it never got sent on. 

Until today!!

Oh, I'm missing the scope of this announcement:

MY NOVEL WAS PASSED UP TO THE EDITORIAL STAFF AT ANGRY ROBOT BOOKS!!!! 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUEEEE!!!!!

I almost had to stay home from work from all the joy.  Anyway, my reader (Liz) emailed me to apologize for the wayward communications and she said she LOVED Eyes of Stone.  All caps L-O-V-E-D!!!  Then Lee emailed me to apologize for the frustration and assure me that my MS would be read ASAP.

I don't suck!!  Not even a little!! 

I may pass out!  I'm SO EXCITED!!  I have to use so! Many! Exclamation! Points!!!!

Angry Robot Stats update

For anyone else who submitted to them, Angry Robot Books just posted some stats on what they've sorted through so far:

Angry Robot Books open month stats

Basically, it says:

"We reported in April that we’d had just under 1,000 submissions during our Open Door month in March. After accounting for duplicated and recalled submissions, the final tally is 944*.
Of those 944:

131 were described by the authors as horror.
318 as science fiction
423 as fantasy
72 had no genre attached (despite the submission guidelines stating a genre should be chosen. Ah, well).
Of the 131 horror submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS. 1 full submission was called in (and rejected).**

Of the 423 fantasy submissions, 246 were rejected without calling in a full MS, 14 were rejected after calling in a full MS, 150 are still in the reading list, and 13 have been escalated to the Angry Robot editorial team.

Of the 318 SF submissions, 130 were rejected without calling in a full MS, none have yet been rejected after calling in a full MS, 186 are still in the reading list, and 2 have been escalated to the editors.
Of the “other” 72, 64 were rejected without calling in a full submission, 6 were rejected after calling in the full MS and 2 have been escalated.

So, altogether:
336 still to read.
570 rejected at partial stage.
21 rejected after calling in the full MS.
17 have so far reached the editors’ desks (that’s 2.8% of the submissions read so far)..."



I assume I'm still in the reading list, since I have yet to hear back on my full.  Sigh...

If this comes back as a rejection, I may rewrite the ending.  Completely.  Those who've Beta-ed for me know what I'm talking about.

It's an idea that's been niggling at the back of my mind for awhile, but I resisted it.  But lately I've wondered if perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to turn the entire thing on its head.  My concern is that the alternate ending I have in mind seems a tad 'deus-ex-machina'-esque.  Also, I'm concerned that if I get this idea in my head now, I'll decide I MUST change it and get myself into trouble.  A rewritten ending means a rewritten sequel, which I'm already 22,000 words into.

Worldbuilding #1

I thought I'd start posting some of my worldbuilding scribblings.  Fun facts and trivia about the world in my book(s), mostly pertaining to gargoyles for now, but with more about the Guardians at some point in the future.  Some of it is scientific-sounding jargon; I've been writing it as though I were a researcher of some kind, studying the gargoyles. 

·         Adolescent gargoyles are sent on mail runs and other small errands to strengthen their wings and help them learn their way around the country.

·         Gargoyles marry after two-year courtships, minimum. They may share living quarters and even produce young before this, but they take oaths extremely seriously.  To them, marriage is considered more binding than having children. The tribe will care for neglected fledglings but there is no divorce among gargoyles. (Rillsof is the only known exception to this rule.)

·         Gargoyles produce live young, unlike dragons who lay eggs, and are actually mammals despite their sometimes reptilian appearance.

o   Human/gargoyle matings are rare, and discouraged due to the complications that so often arise.  The resulting hybrid offspring may possess any combination of human or gargoyle characteristics/abilities, weaknesses, etc.  They all suffer from an acute sensitivity to sunlight and crave red meat more often than full-blooded humans.  They are all taller and stronger than the average human, but shorter and weaker than the average gargoyle.  Occasionally they are born with vestigial wings or tails.  Human mothers often perish during childbirth in such cases, much to the consternation and distress of the fathers; gargoyle females do not suffer from the same complications as human women during childbirth.   

o   The hybrid offspring are rarely able to fly, even when born with wings, and do not (usually) suffer from the gargoyles’ daylight affliction.  The most unfortunate of the offspring appear fully human, but still are frozen in place during the day.  Some speculate that this phenomenon, combined with their sensitivity to sunlight and abnormal craving for red meat, have contributed to ‘vampire’ legends.

o   If one/both parent possesses any relation to the other race (i.e., if the human parent has any gargoyle ancestor up to and including the 7th generation), the odds are astronomically increased that the offspring will appear as a full-blooded (albeit smaller) gargoyle, or a full-blooded (albeit larger) human, whichever race provides the majority of the offspring's ancestry, with all the powers/weaknesses (or lack thereof) of that race.  This is exceedingly rare.

Eyes of Stone - Page 2

Continued from the first page...



Did [Anaiiya] truly think anything could threaten such creatures?

Yes.

She’d seen the bodies paraded through the streets by those fanatics. Seen the ornaments carved from gargoyle horns and bolts of leather made from their wings. After weeks of watching anti-gargoyle sentiment spread through the city unchecked, Anaiiya knew if she didn’t warn the gargoyles, no one would.

She didn’t understand why other humans disdained the creatures so. The gargoyles looked monstrous, but they rarely stirred from their Tower unless something threatened them or the city of Amarantia. Perhaps it was the way the gargoyles threw themselves into battle, tearing bandits into pieces or cutting down horses with their razor-sharp wingtips. Or the way they seemed to rejoice in spilling blood, even if it was just from the cattle or wild game they hunted outside the city walls.

Anaiiya swallowed the sudden lump of dread in her throat and stepped back from the door. These idiotic do-gooder compulsions would get her killed someday. Her hands shook, blood pounding in her ears as she fiddled with the sacks of food. She glanced up at the door every few seconds and grunted in frustration as time ticked by with no sign that the gargoyles had noticed her.

This was taking far too long. Were the gargoyles so secure in their hallowed Tower that they didn’t bother to post a guard anymore? Would she have to bang on the door like some lunatic? That hadn’t worked the first time she’d done it, but she wasn’t above trying it again.

A tiny thump, like the sound of a wooden bar carefully lifted, was her only warning. She threw herself back a bare instant before the door screamed open and crashed into the wall, sending chips of stone flying in all directions and making the door wobble in its frame. Anaiiya sucked in a breath as a powerful foot armed with six gleaming talons crunched down into the gravel courtyard.

The gargoyle stepped into the moonlight. It was so…big. The monster stood almost seven feet tall, not counting the leathery wings that towered another two feet above its head. Each of its twelve wingfingers ended in a wicked-looking talon, the lowest dangling less than a handspan from the ground. Her eyes widened. The gargoyles didn’t look nearly so large when they flew overhead.

Eyes of Stone - Page the First

I have little to comment on today, outside of my irritation that AT&T bought T-Mobile.  (My favorite quote so far regarding the merger is this:  "AT&T is marrying T-Mobile.  There will be no reception afterward.)

Anyway, as I have run out of new ways to be interesting, I thought I'd post the first page (about 300 words) of my novel Eyes of Stone, which of course if the book I've been posting sketches of here on my blog, and which is awaiting the verdict of the Angry Robots.  Feel free to rend asunder or shower with praise, as the mood strikes you.  Kisses all around.


EYES OF STONE

Anaiiya had approached the Tower many times—always prior to sunset, while the beasts still slept. To venture near the monolith at night was dangerous and foolish. Some might call it suicidal. But if she wanted the gargoyles to chase her, she needed to get their attention…and the only way to do that was to make them feel threatened. A dangerous idea; an insane idea.

Well, who would miss her if the worst should happen? Penniless vagabonds were mourned by no one.

The gravel in the courtyard skittered before her mincing steps as she approached the door to the Tower. She bit her bottom lip and wrung the sacks in her hands. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck as she watched the balcony three hundred feet above. No challenge came. No sound but the wind blowing in her ears. It looked like she’d have to do this the hard way. She swallowed and hurried onto the ancient stone steps.

Anaiiya reached out and touched the door with one hand, surprised at how smooth the petrified wood veneer felt under her ragged fingertips. The door was actually eight inches thick and cast from solid iron; like so many things about this place, the door’s rotted appearance was little more than an illusion to keep the occasional curiosity-seeker at bay.

As she lingered there, a vision flashed through her mind of a monster pressed against the door, watching her with shining teeth and barely-contained rage. She jerked her hand away as all the old tales of blood sacrifice and demon worship flashed through her mind.

Anaiiya took a shuddering breath as she set the sacks on the ground. Perhaps she’d made a mistake after all. She owed these creatures nothing. Stupid, to risk her life like this. To deliver a warning they probably wouldn’t heed. And why should they? Gargoyles were powerful and terrifying creatures who thrived on combat, on the deaths of their enemies. Did she truly think anything could threaten such creatures?

The Tower

This is the Tower, where the gargoyles and Anaiiya live.  As you can see, it was once very fine and beautiful, but neglect and disdain have left it in a state of disrepair.

Tarcos

It's bizarre...of all my characters, I have the clearest image in my head of Tarcos.  Yet he's given me the most trouble.  I just switched out the old one with this one; he's still not quite right, but this is close.  And since I'm running out of paper and I've worn my erasers down to the nubbins, it'll have to do for now.  You get the general idea.  Dark, surly, etc.  I envision this sketch happening during a fight scene.

I'm almost out of my pre-drawn sketches, so soon I'll have to resort to trying to be witty and charming all on my own, rather than fishing for compliments by posting bad sketches, ha-ha.

Also, I started book 2 today!  Been a long time coming, but I've been busy.  Get off my back about it.  ;)  I wrote about 5 pages today, and I borderline hate them all.  We'll see how it goes.

Sefal

It might be a little hard to imagine, but his hair is stark white, even his eyebrows.  Eyes are silver.  He didn't turn out quite as 'pretty' as I'd envisioned, but I think I got the creepy factor down.  Maybe when I get a little more free time I'll tweak this one some more.

I have a couple of Tarcos I'm still working on, but I'm not happy with him yet.  Maybe I'll take a break from him and try to work on Anaiiya, or the gargoyles...though I shake my head and roll my eyes in frustration at the very thought.

Ah, well.  I guess I could work on my writing instead for awhile, now couldn't I?  I haven't even started on book 2, although I think I may start it out with a wedding.  Not sure yet.  I can't seem to get focused enough to plot it out in my head yet, hence the everlasting rewrites on Eyes of Stone and dabbling with some short stories.  I might post a satirical piece later on this week entitled "Motivational Speakers," which I was justifiably provoked into writing after being forced to sit through yet another seminar about productivity, time management, blah, blah, blah.  Or maybe I'll put up the first 5 pages of Eyes of Stone.  I haven't decided yet.

Amarantian Palace

This one took me a whole lot of tries to get right.  Still not perfect, but you get the general idea.  Carved right into the purple marble of the Amaranthine Cliffs.  I tried to give that sense of a work-in-progress, with  windows carved into the unfinished back walls of the cliffs.

I'll probably post my sketch of Sefal next, unless something more interesting happens and I feel the need to share that first.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Spring Break!

Motavi

I'm putting him up first because I personally feel he's one of my better sketches so far.  This is Motavi, Second Prince of the Guardians.  I put both versions up; the first is in pencil, and the second has been gone over in ink.  I like the pencil version better myself, but pencil smudges like the dickens so I had to take a sharpie to it or lose it forever. What do you guys think?

Anyway, I'm working on others; Tarcos is giving me some trouble, and I haven't even started on Anaiiya yet.  And I lack the intestinal fortitude to even think about starting the gargoyle sketches, so don't hold your breath.  I'll probably put the palace up tomorrow.  I think I'm finally starting to get it right.

Map of Laryial

Here is my initial attempt at a map of Laryial, hand drawn by yours truly and everything.  It might be a little hard to read, as it was done in pencil and I lack the confidence to go over it in pen, but if you zoom in I think it'll be ok.  :P

It's also got some smudges and stuff, because my erasers are garbage, so don't judge me too harshly!  I'll be putting up other sketches later on; I currently have some of Sefal, Motavi, Tarcos, the Tower, and the Amarantian palace in the works.

New try at an old query

AW loathed my query for Eyes of Stone.  (Sad face)  And although it's gotten me a couple of partial requests, it ain't sold until it's sold, and I got a looong list of agents who rejected it, so I'm coming at it from a different angle this time.  What do you say, O bloggers?  Offer your thoughts, suggestions, rewrites, condemnations, etc. here. 

I'd like to return the favor, but, sadly, my query skills are more pathetic than two shivering puppies nuzzling their dead mother in the rain.  However, I seem to have a slightly less crippling failure rate with synopses (although my patience for them is rather slim), so if you can whittle your synopsis down to about 1,000 words, you may send it to me and I will do my best to destroy it for you.

Anyway, here is the newest version of the new query letter for your amusement:

        Anaiiya always believed she was human—until she awakened covered in blood with no memory of how she killed the thirty men scattered all around her.  Her demonic heritage, unknown to her and dormant for over twenty years, stirs to life at her first taste of bloodshed and compels her to ever-greater acts of violence.

The gargoyles, monstrous-looking warriors who are incapacitated by sunlight, have depended on Anaiiya for their daytime protection ever since she saved them from an attack by pro-human fanatics.  But if she loses control of the bloodthirsty compulsions that plague her, she could kill her new family herself.  

She fights against her own nature even as it grants her strange powers that could make it easier to defend her tribe.  She is strong enough to crumble stone into powder.  Blood obeys her every command.  But every time she uses these abilities, the darkness within grows a little stronger and the violent urges a little harder to resist.

Her burgeoning powers catch the attention of another creature:  A creature of black magic who wants Anaiiya’s powers for himself.  Now her only hope to save her family from monsters may be to become one herself.