1. Do you want to be a princess?
Nobody wants to be a princess. All that breeding responsibility and being forced to marry your father’s war buddy. No, thank you.
2. Do you believe dreams come true?
I sure hope not. The world would be an unhappy place if my half-insane night terrors manifested themselves upon your reality.
3. Do you like Batman?
Only as a friend.
4. Ever been tanning?
It’s a smelly hobby, but once the apocalypse comes, who will you turn to for leather? Me, that’s who.
5. Where are your parents?
They said they were just going out for cigarettes, but I’m sure they’ll be back soon.
6. What made you sick the last time?
Excessive bacteria/viruses that temporarily overwhelmed by immune system
7. What are you thinking about right now?
Flying monkeys sewing quilts for crack babies (and now you are, too)
8. How many friends have your back?
I don’t know. We’ve never compared them before.
9. What is your summer theme song?
Holly Jolly Christmas
10. The last time you went to the fridge, what were you looking for?
11. If you had to either eat your weight in marshmallows or eat your weight in chocolate, which would you choose?
12. Ever go ghost hunting?
I’m always ghost hunting. Ghosts got some good meat on ‘em.
13. Where was the last zit you had?
On my skin
14. Do you eat eggs?
Everyone knows that eggs are only useful as suppositories
15. What color is your umbrella?
Wait…this is one of those self-esteem questions, isn’t it? Gimme a second; I know this. Um…“No one can do a better job of being you than you!”
16. Do you really care about the environment?
Why should I? It doesn’t care about me.
17. Do you dislike small children?
Well, I do prefer great big fat ones.
18. Do you secretly think babies are ugly?
What do you mean, ‘secretly?’
19. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
20. Do you curse?
I’m trying to quit. Apparently, Jesus frowns on the whole ‘witchcraft’ thing.