Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I told myself I wouldn't cry...

The majority of you lovely folk who frequent this blog don't actually know me, so you have no idea that my lack of emotion borders on the robotic.  My best friend Ashley thinks I'm secretly either a man or a serial killer because my emotional range seems limited to 'amused' or 'not amused.'  Although I have been known to squeeze out a 'mildly concerned' if there's some real risk of a tragic event or major financial catastrophe, etc.  I think she sometimes purposely picks sad movies in the hopes that I'll break down and blubber because Bambi's mother died (again) or that old man from 'Up' (still) misses his wife.  Doesn't work.  I don't know them.

But it's not that I don't have emotions; it's that I save them all up for my characters.  I find crying silly unless I need to flush something from my eyes.  Puffy eyes and damp sleeves, dehydration...no, thank you.

Being an emotionally-devoid monster of sorts (haha), I'm also very practical.  I never allow myself to get too hopeful about...well, anything.   Disappointment makes me unhappy, and I find that if I expect a 'no,' the rejection and the frustration goes down easier.  Well, you all know how that feels; you're writers.  You know the sting of the 'this was interesting but not for me please take your scribblings elsewhere' form rejection letter.

The other day, however, as I drove home from work, I allowed myself a brief 'what if' moment.  What if I got my book published?  What if I get home to find a letter in my mailbox from a publisher that says "We love 'Eyes of Stone' and we'd like to offer you a three-book contract"?  What if the masses grab ahold of it with both hands and love it, and I get to stay home and write for a living? 

Well, I tell you, I actually teared up.  I had a real-life Seinfeld moment:  "What is this salty discharge?  This is horrible!"  I had to put on "Furry Walls" and "Lonely Island" before my wildly out of control emotions caused me to secrete enough saline to actually drip down my cheek.  What if someone had seen me?  All my street cred gone in an instant because I briefly entertained the idea of all my dreams coming true.  Horrifying.

But now I know that I have to read all my mail in a closet so that when I someday do get that letter, I won't appear as a blubbering fool in front of the dogs or my husband or (heaven forbid) Ashley.  She'd pee her pants in delight and whip out a camera phone so fast...and then I'd have to kill her.

4 comments:

  1. Eyes of stone, indeed. :-D

    In the nicest way possible (and with a callous and shocking disregard for your street cred), I hope you soon get the opportunity to blubber helplessly over a happy letter of acceptance!

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  2. I'm with jjdebenedictis! :) And I must say, I am a whimpering, blubbering fool. That opening montage in "Up" was enough to send me into a fit of convulsions...

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  3. We don't have all those hormones stored up for nothing! It's good to let them bust loose occasionally. I've got my fingers crossed tight that you get that lovely, lovely letter from AR and the dam breaks. In public. :o)

    PS: Coincidentally, I finally heard back from AR this morning and they've requested the full of Sector C. Did they also tell you it might be "several months" before you hear back on your full? Arrgghh. I hate, hate, hate waiting...

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  4. Yes, they told me it would probably be 'several months' before I hear back. *sigh.* I was worried for a little while that they never got my full MS, because I didn't get an automated response and several people on the forums said they had. So I emailed them. The AR people are very nice, and they assured me they have it. Now comes the waiting. The interminable waiting. Ugh.

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