Friday, December 16, 2011
Christmas vacation and pseudo-scorpions
Last night, as I executed a I swan-dive into my bed, I spotted a dark oblong shape on my sheets. In that fraction of a second while I hung suspended above my bed, helpless to change my trajectory or even slow down, I was utterly convinced that it was yet another scorpion. I was going to land square on it, and that there was nothing I could do to stop myself. I was doomed. As I descended, a moment of concentrated terror surged through me, both pure and devastating. I was going to die.
I landed and flung myself onto the floor—to the everlasting confusion/amusement of my dogs—only to find that it was not a scorpion in my bed after all, but the trailing end of my earbuds. I narrowed my eyes at the deceitful little electronic listening device, threw a stuffed animal at the dogs to distract them from my humiliation, and sheepishly slithered back into bed.
If I could kill that scorpion again for forever ruining the peace of my own bedroom, I would. I should have let my husband set it on fire. But NOOOOOO, I had to be all, “No, don’t burn it alive, that’s meeeeeean!!” Well, scorpions, beware. Next time I shan’t be so merciful. Not when I’ve developed a complex where I have to shake out the mattress and every sheet, blanket, pillow, and puppy dog before I get into bed. My fragile sanity has been shattered beyond repair, and somewhere in my backyard there’s an arachnid that’s going to pay for it.
On a happier note…
Today is my last day of work this year!
I’m coupling a week of vacation with the normal week off for the Holidays from the university, creating one massive hybrid SUPER-CHRISTMAS!! It’s the only thing that got me out of bed this morning, when I woke up to find it 40 degrees inside my house.
It took a lot to get me out from my warm, currently-scorpion-free bed, covered in blankets and with two adorable puppies snuggled up beside me. But then I thought, “Oh, yeah…today’s my last day of work this year,” and I was able to skip merrily through the freezing house and get ready for work.
Ok, so maybe I wasn’t skipping through the house. It was more like slogging. The point is, I did it.
So what shall I do with my two glorious weeks of freedom, you ask? Sleep in. Every. Day. Like a boss. Maybe I'll get some work done on book 2, maybe (probably) I'll fret some more about the fact that I still haven’t heard back from the Angry Robots (sigh). Mostly I'll just eat, though. I have plans in the works to make a ham and cookies and pies and stuff, because being fat means never having to curtail your Christmas calorie intake.
In case I don't blog again this year, everyone have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! And a happy anything else you celebrate. :)