Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas vacation and pseudo-scorpions



Last night, as I executed a I swan-dive into my bed, I spotted a dark oblong shape on my sheets. In that fraction of a second while I hung suspended above my bed, helpless to change my trajectory or even slow down, I was utterly convinced that it was yet another scorpion. I was going to land square on it, and that there was nothing I could do to stop myself.  I was doomed. As I descended, a moment of concentrated terror surged through me, both pure and devastating.  I was going to die.

I landed and flung myself onto the floor—to the everlasting confusion/amusement of my dogs—only to find that it was not a scorpion in my bed after all, but the trailing end of my earbuds. I narrowed my eyes at the deceitful little electronic listening device, threw a stuffed animal at the dogs to distract them from my humiliation, and sheepishly slithered back into bed.

If I could kill that scorpion again for forever ruining the peace of my own bedroom, I would. I should have let my husband set it on fire. But NOOOOOO, I had to be all, “No, don’t burn it alive, that’s meeeeeean!!” Well, scorpions, beware. Next time I shan’t be so merciful. Not when I’ve developed a complex where I have to shake out the mattress and every sheet, blanket, pillow, and puppy dog before I get into bed. My fragile sanity has been shattered beyond repair, and somewhere in my backyard there’s an arachnid that’s going to pay for it.

On a happier note…

Today is my last day of work this year!

HUZZAH!!

I’m coupling a week of vacation with the normal week off for the Holidays from the university, creating one massive hybrid SUPER-CHRISTMAS!! It’s the only thing that got me out of bed this morning, when I woke up to find it 40 degrees inside my house.

It took a lot to get me out from my warm, currently-scorpion-free bed, covered in blankets and with two adorable puppies snuggled up beside me. But then I thought, “Oh, yeah…today’s my last day of work this year,” and I was able to skip merrily through the freezing house and get ready for work.

Ok, so maybe I wasn’t skipping through the house. It was more like slogging. The point is, I did it.

So what shall I do with my two glorious weeks of freedom, you ask? Sleep in. Every. Day. Like a boss. Maybe I'll get some work done on book 2, maybe (probably) I'll fret some more about the fact that I still haven’t heard back from the Angry Robots (sigh). Mostly I'll just eat, though. I have plans in the works to make a ham and cookies and pies and stuff, because being fat means never having to curtail your Christmas calorie intake.

In case I don't blog again this year, everyone have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  And a happy anything else you celebrate. :)

7 comments:

  1. 2 weeks off sounds awesome!! Have a fantastic, scorpion-free holiday.

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  2. This was too funny, but glad it wasn't a scorpion.

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  3. Have fun in your scorpion-free cocoon! I would love to say I get 2 weeks of freedom, sweet freedom. Alas, it will only be a couple of long weekends.
    :)

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  4. I get time off because my manager finagled it, but no official break. Stupid hotel work.

    I hope the scorpions leave you alone. <3 Otherwise you may have to roast them on an open fire. ;)

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  5. Enjoy your holidays and freedom. Hopefully, scorpion-free.

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  6. Late to the work-free party, but did want to say Merry Christmas before it is!

    When I lived south of Fort Worth in a rural part of Johnson County, I had scorpions in the house and around all the wood piles. I've just seen one since I've been north of you. Some of them come along for the ride in packing boxes and crates, so you probably don't have to worry about another showing up -- soon. You ARE shaking your shoes out before putting them on though. Aren't you?

    Leaving you with that thought and best wishes for an agented and/or otherwise contracted New Year!

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  7. Dogs have a great sense of humor, scorpions, not so much. Enjoy your vacation. -Kelly

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