Friday, November 11, 2011
It's been awhile since I did one of these. Enjoy! And happy 11-11-11!!!
1. How can someone tell if you’re lying?
They run and tattle like a little girl
2. What was the last thing you stole?
A man’s heart. See? It’s right here, in a jar on my desk.
3. How many kids do you want?
I don’t like goats
4. What is something you CANNOT wait to do?
5. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No. Nothing is ever caused by anything.
6. Where is the person who stole your heart?
In prison. Organ trafficking is illegal, yo. And it stings.
7. It’s 4 AM and your phone rings who is it?
A dead person. They just don’t know it yet.
8. Anything good happening tomorrow?
What did I say about my psychic abilities? I said they only work from 7:00-7:02AM every third Tuesday, and only during leap years that end in odd numbers. You don’t listen.
9. Relationships or one night stands?
I keep my nightstands for one night and one night only. Disposable furniture is the wave of the future, people. Be there or be square.
10. What are you sitting on right now?
My fat @$
11. What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Blood. Unfermented, of course. See? I pay attention to the questions.
12. What is one thing you need more than anything?
My internal organs, neatly arranged and functioning properly.
13. Who was the last person to wear your clothes, other than you?
Don’t be creepy.
14. What were you doing at 4AM?
Performing Macbeth in its entirety with the pink & blue unicorns who stole Charlie’s kidney and the other Charlie, who bit his brother’s finger. Disastrous, by the way.
15. Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing.
It’s simply encrusted with gemstones, pencil shavings, and gemstones fashioned to look like pencil shavings. Its name is James Mortimer Gerard Susan Mortimer Mortimer Mortimer, and cost me two hams and one of my outdated cell phones.
16. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Me shiv, since it’s too hard to board a ship one-handed.
17. I bet you miss someone today?
I’m Ron Burgundy?
18. Chicken or steak?
It depends on who has the gun.
19. Are you an alcoholic?
There’s no good way to answer that question.
20. Are you an aunt/uncle?
I know it’s “in” to be transgender these days, but, sadly, I don’t feel compelled to have my genitalia altered, surgically or otherwise. So no. Not an aunt/uncle.